How to write insults without swearing

UPDATED JULY 20, 2019. Further to our recent article about whether women should write swearwords or not, here is an updated and expanded version of some glorious, clean (well, cleanish) insults sent to me a couple of years ago by my cousin Alyson in Ottawa, Canada.

funny article about insults

William Shakespeare, King Lear

William Shakespeare was a master of insults, as you can see from above. That full quote, said by Lear to his daughter Goneril (why does her name always make me think of a sexually transmitted disease?) goes as follows:

“Thou art a boil, A plague-sore or embossèd carbuncle, In my corrupted blood.” Gee thanks, Dad. More of Willie’s best insults below. Meanwhile…

There was the exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”  He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” [Read more…]

Déjà vu jokes … plus a few more, 2019

Updated and republished July 13th, 2019: Déjà Vu for You Too? Some updated smiles for you …

Thanks to Nigel Jamie Bangs who originally shared this gag on my Facebook group, The Joke Street Journal (please join if you want some good laughs.) The original thought was this: Deja poo jokesAnd that got me thinking. So I started writing…..and writing…..and writing……and I came up with the following. Now in July 2019 I have come up with a few more. But … let’s get you thinking of even more!

Déjà Boo:  Boring people with ghost stories when it isn’t Halloween

Déjà Blue: Long-standing UK Conservative / US Democrat voter [Read more…]

How to write yourself a wonderful wedding website

Getting married this year? Welcome John Daulton from Your UK Wedding Directory who explains how to set up a low-cost yet effective wedding website to capture all those memories forever.

Wedding websitesby John Daulton

So… you’re getting married and you know you’d like to document it and keep reminders of it in every way you can. You’ve hired the photographer, and you know your friends will be there taking videos and photos with their smartphones. What else can you do to keep the memories alive? [Read more…]

Should we ladies write swearwords? Discuss.

Well, f**k my old boots and call me potty-mouthed, but I swear. I swear when I speak and I swear when I write. How about you other ladies? (Or if you want to be PC, “women?”)swearing by women Many of us “gals” the wrong side of 40 grew up believing that if Daddy stubbed his toe and said the F-word we would smile and tut-tut sympathetically, but if the same happened to us we would be told that swearing is unladylike and deserving of chastisement — not an ice pack and analgesia.

Unladylike? An ancient word?

[Read more…]

So we love puns, right? Here are even more

Haunted French pancakes give me the crèpes. Here’s another handful of puns (there may be one or two duplications from earlier collections) to give us some clever smiles for this post-Independence Day, post-Canada Day weekend.

And yes: I am a newly converted Punthusiast. Here’s a Suze original to start us off:
After my car accident I called St Christopher a lying old fraud. I couldn’t have insulted a Saint Maur.
(OK, I’ll get my coat.)

more puns on HTWB

Meanwhile the latest punsations as provided, once again, by my dear friend Laurence H. from London, England:

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish. [Read more…]

Writing not just about, but WITH mental health issues

This is Mental Health Awareness Week as the media have been screaming out at us. How do you feel about the fact that mental health has been, up until recently, swept under social carpets and is now just emerging from the dustpans as an “OK” subject to talk about?

writers and mental health

As a writer, when you start scratching the surface of your own mental health you are likely to find a few worrying things lurking there.

Not for me to slag off science, PC commentators, Royal Family members and all the others who are hopping up on to the mental health bandwagons. No, bitchy though I am, these people are doing a great job in de-horrifying our views of mental health problems.

Writers and other creatives are almost expected to be a “bit loopy”

[Read more…]

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