DEAR PARENT – politically correct letters to parents from desperate teachers…

A hilarious selection of letters written and sent home to the parents of recalcitrant brats … as sent to me by my good friend and mentor Dhananjay (Jay) Parkhe from Bangalore, India.

Politically correct letters to parents from desperate teachers...Share these letters to inspire your favourite, long-suffering teacher friends

Dear Parent,
We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. [Read more…]

A bumper crop of crap writing- Spam Of The Month Award II

And the out-and-out winner of the January 2018 Spam Of The Month award goes to Candidate number two:

Vanilla we-wee wins first prize

A bumper crop of crap writing - Spam Of The Month Award II

Everүthing cօmposeԁ made a great ԁeal of sense. Howevеr, think on this, suppose ʏou were to create ɑ killer title? I am not saying your content isn’t soⅼid, however suppoѕ yoᥙ addеd something that makes peoplе want more? I mean Locwl advertisers: stop writing ᴡe-wee aand start getting a decent ROI – tutorial | Hօw To Wrіte Betteг HTᏔB is kinda vanilla. Yоu mighht glance at Yahoo’s home page and note how they write news titles to grab peߋple to click. Ⲩoou might add a related video or a picture or two to grab people interested about everything’ve got to say. Just my opinion, it could maѕke your blog a little livelier.

My response (for what it was worth…)

This article has a naughty euphemism for urination (or micturition if you’re a urologist) in the headline and an image of a little boy peeing into a fountain (famous statue in Brussels, Belgium, actually.) If you think that’s vanilla your next stop needs to be a porno site. Oh, sorry. You ARE a porno site. 

Thank you all for your votes. Now, check out this month’s contenders

And there’s a bumper crop this month! Let’s get started… [Read more…]

Latest funny written whoopsies from the UK’s Daily Fail…

Yet again we find inadvertent humour from the captions and other written words on the website of the UK’s most loved/hated tabloid. Join us for our latest selection…

Yet more laughs from inadvertent goofs on the UK's Daily Mail news site

“The model made her way by the sporty red Ferrari in a tight skirt…”

Meghan Markle is being guarded by royal protection officers as Palace prepares to announce engagement to Prince Harry this week … I guess Harry and the Palace have been in love for a long time. Many congratulations to them. [Read more…]

How to write a better cliché – Writing From The Heart

We’re all using clichés like this at the moment and the repetitiveness is making my teeth itch. In this edition of “Writing From The Heart” we take a humorous but nonetheless heart-felt look at how our current clichés are letting us down, and how we can come up with better and stronger alternatives.

How to write a better cliche - some ideas for words that express current sentiments more accurately than some currently in use (humor!)

Unicorns: fat little grey Shetland ponies tarted up with tinsel and a conical piece of plastic tubing stuck on to their browbands.

If the following make your teeth itch, too, read on and we’ll all have a good scratch…while checking out some more sensible alternatives…!

Do you write and speak these Clichés du Jour?

[Read more…]

Lawyer jokes – written in all good faith, Your Honor…

Why do we love to make jokes about lawyers? Is it because they’ve got legal market sewn up and know that sooner or later we’ll need them and they can charge us a lot of money?Lawyer jokes - written in all good faith, Your Honor...some of our favorite lawyer jokes and why we love to laugh about them, here on How To Write Better HTWBOr is it because deep down we respect them for the many years of hard work they, like some other professionals (e.g. doctors) do before they can earn even a half-decent wage … never mind that if we’re in deep doo-doo often they can get us out of it?

Whatever the answer, here are a few of my favourite lawyer jokes to give you a smile for the day…

Is the grass greener?

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine … [Read more…]

How to write better (or fewer?) swear words in English

Have you ever wondered why the British seem far more relaxed about using swear words in writing and speech than people from other English-speaking nations?

Many linguists are of the opinion that because swear words are used much more commonly in English-language film and TV programmes, on live radio and TV (hopefully after the watershed), and in general conversation, the words have gradually lost their rudeness and shock-value.

is it wrong to swear in writing

Can some swearing is speech and writing be justified?

Which could be a shame, in a way. If current swear words have lost their mojos, how next can we express ourselves with vigour and shock factor? But that’s probably for another article/thought piece.

It’s true that many millennials use rude language pretty freely wherever they live within the USA, Canada, Australia and other English language areas. But if you are the wrong side of 25 years old, you may well be influenced by older values that vary wildly from country to country.

UPDATE January 27, 2018 … Just published by academic Debbie Cameron on her Debuk blog: here is an extract:

“Asking whether women should swear is a bit like asking whether women should have children out of wedlock, or weigh more than seven stone: it’s a question designed for no other purpose than to allow people to air their prejudices. And those prejudices are, in most cases, socially selective. If a single mother on benefits peppers her discourse with ‘f*ck, tw*t and b*stard’, people say she’s ignorant, unable to express herself in any other way. If a stand-up comedian who went to public (private) school uses the same words in his act, people say it’s edgy and subversive.” Seems that people have serious double standards where swearing is concerned. Read this article – as well as the rest of mine here!

[Read more…]

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