How to write some bantastic new words for 2019

If you’re fed up with the English language and how its sheer lunacy can drive us all doo-lally, here’s a nifty thought or three.

Who says we can’t write our own new words in English?

Writing bew words for 2019English has been around since the fourth century BC. Well, some of its forms have been, anyway

According to Wikipedia The earliest form of English is called Old English or Anglo-Saxon (c. 550–1066 CE). Old English developed from a set of North Sea Germanic dialects originally spoken along the coasts of Frisia, Lower Saxony, Jutland, and Southern Sweden by Germanic tribes known as the Angles, Saxons, and Jutes.”

So why are we constrained in writing new English words?

Bottom line is, we aren’t. Why should we genuflect to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED), relying on them to approve new words? Here are a few from its December 2018 list. Surely we can do better than this?  [Read more…]

How to write better New Year’s resolutions 2019

Here’s a little poem for those of you working out what your New Year’s resolutions will be this year…with some, er, tips on how to do a more realistic job of it than we sometimes do!

Poem about New year's resoluytions

How to write better New Year’s resolutions for 2019

It’s nearly here
That bright New Year
We’ve hardly failed to notice
Twen-tee nine-teen
Is all that’s been
Talked about since August.

In the UK
It’s not OK [Read more…]

How to write better letters to Santa…

I didn’t write these jokes but I wish I had. They have been around for many years and still make me howl with laughter. They are not really Politically Correct so please don’t read any further if you are particularly sensitive to such things; instead you may prefer these Christmas cracker jokes***.

I apologise to Google for publishing these again but they really are too funny to forget…enjoy.

Funny jokes about letters to Santa and his hilarious replies

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend,
WiLLy
Dear Willy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in road sweeping.
How about I get you a ****ing book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa [Read more…]

Want a naughty gift at the last minute? Read this review

In case you’ve still got a couple of gifts to get for the Big Day next week, you might like to read this review of my dearly beloved book, Mischieverse … adult poems about many of the little things that p*ss us off from day to day.

The review is from Muddy Stillettos, a lively online women’s magazine in the UK. 

Why Mischieverse makes a very good adult Christmas gift

The perfect book for the downstairs toilet…

The perfect stocking filler for the intelligent female in your life…

and we’re sure the blokes will like it too!

Let me start by saying I loved this book of poetry and I think your mums, daughters, sisters and friends will too. Mischieverse is proper rude humour that laughs at life’s every day irritations that you’ll all recognise. It’s social commentary at its wittiest best and perfect for the intelligent people in your life (especially those who don’t take themselves too seriously).

[Read more…]

More English language lunacy: pronunciation poem from 1922

Many thanks to my son Tom who found yet another incredible testament to the sheer lunacy of the English language, in a poem written back in 1922 by Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870-1946), a Dutch observer of English.

Poem about English language

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle, make the latter rhyme with eagle.

Trust a sensible, no-nonsense Dutchman to show us how ridiculous English can be…and I’m so glad to realise that it isn’t just me, but several other writers over the years, who have felt the same way.

Let me start the ball rolling here in 2018, with three areas of my home city, Milton Keynes, England:

Broughton (pronounced Brawton)
Woughton (pronounced Woofton)
Loughton (pronounced La-owton)

Enjoy…

Gerard Nolst Trenité – The Chaos (1922)

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
   I will teach you in my verse
   Sounds like corpsecorpshorse and worse. [Read more…]

How to write political spin

You really can’t fail to admire the ways in which political journalists and politicians manage to write accounts of events and issues which, though vaguely accurate if you stretch your imagination, vary hysterically and often hilariously in how the subjects are portrayed.

political spin

Spin description of a prison sentence: a “holiday paid for by Her Majesty.”

What exactly do we mean by “political spin?”

According to our beloved Wikipedia

“In public relations and politicsspin is a form of propaganda, achieved through providing a biased interpretation of an event or campaigning to persuade public opinion in favor or against some organization or public figure. While traditional public relations and advertising may also rely on altering the presentation of the facts, “spin” often implies the use of disingenuousdeceptive, and highly manipulative tactics.[1]”

[Read more…]

css.php