Diary of a self-isolator: After Lockdown

Here’s a little verse or three to make us think about what happens next…enjoy.

I’m sick of being here on my own, sat on my fat posterior.

AFTER LOCKDOWN
Office workers’ quandary

I wish I weren’t so stuck at home
These walls are too familiar
I’m sick of being here on my own
Sat on my fat posterior.

[Read more…]

Diary of a self-isolator: WTF would we have done without the internet?

When I hear people bitch and moan about being under lockdown due to coronavirus/Covid19, I think back to my dim and distant youth when the internet was no more than a twinkle in Tim Berners-Lee’s eye.

Telephone landline handsets from the 1960s and 1970s – now museum pieces as you can see.

Earlier incarnations had been trialled but mostly had hissy fits and blew up once someone actually input a little bit of content. It was only when Tim Berners-Price took hold of it all in around 1990 that they managed to make it work. As we know, that revolutionised everything. And even better, it can’t catch COVID-19.

Imagine,” I say helpfully between their bitchings and moanings, “what lockdown would have been like if we didn’t have the WWW?[Read more…]

Diary of a self-isolator: Lockdowners’ Laughs … Easter & Passover jokes

Updated April 2020. When this period of Easter, Passover and other religious events should be observed within gatherings of family and friends – not on lockdown standing at least two metres away from the family you live with and not being allowed to see our folks who live elsewhere other than through the cold, squinty eye of a digital camera – we can at least have a few laughs to help us through it.

Here are some jokes about Easter, and further down about Passover (Pesach) for you to share with your folks and give you all a smile.

Humorous Easter Eggs on How To Write Better

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke? It might crack up.

Jokes about Easter: enjoy…

A white rooster was strutting around the henhouse on Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every colour of the rainbow. He took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the living daylights out of the resident peacock.

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an over-stressed person?
An Easter basket case!

How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
EGG-xercise and HARE-robics! [Read more…]

Diary of a self-isolator: Lockdowners’ Laughs Part One

Over on my personal Facebook page I’ve been running some jokes every evening and my followers are growing exponentially. I’ve laughingly declared myself the Humorist Laureate of the Coronavirus Pandemic – frivolous, I know, but it’s one of the few things I can do to help and something quite a few of us need – to laugh. It relieves the stress.

In this episode of Lockdowners’ Laughs … a festival of puns!

[Read more…]

Diary of a self-isolator: to-do list for when COVID’s all over

What plans do you have when this COVID pandemic is finally over? I’ve jotted down some ideas for my own, er, intentions … and please do add your own thoughts into the comments.

When this sh*t is over I will …

Wrap myself up from head to foot in toilet paper

What things are you most looking forward to once COVID is all over?

Touch my face, if I can find it again

Accept – maybe even enjoy – that we’ll now go back to talking about Brexit [Read more…]

Diary of a social distancer – handwashing rant Part One

“Ooooh, sh*t: my hands are SO sore from all this handwashing!” In my social distancing from this coronavirus / Covid19 tragedy I keep reading people’s posts, bleating about how sore their hands are.

Yet “your grandmother’s bar of soap kills the virus.”

Hello? Yes, it does, and not for an obvious reason

Your grandmother’s bar of soap kills the coronavirus. So do you still want to bitch about how sore your hands might be?

Haven’t you ever heard of Vaseline? Or vegetable oil? Or any other of hundreds of emollient products you can still buy for small sums so you can stop whining about your scratchy hands and instead help slow down this evil pandemic?

Let’s get a grip on this issue

[Read more…]

css.php