How to write insults without swearing

UPDATED JULY 20, 2019. Further to our recent article about whether women should write swearwords or not, here is an updated and expanded version of some glorious, clean (well, cleanish) insults sent to me a couple of years ago by my cousin Alyson in Ottawa, Canada.

funny article about insults

William Shakespeare, King Lear

William Shakespeare was a master of insults, as you can see from above. That full quote, said by Lear to his daughter Goneril (why does her name always make me think of a sexually transmitted disease?) goes as follows:

“Thou art a boil, A plague-sore or embossèd carbuncle, In my corrupted blood.” Gee thanks, Dad. More of Willie’s best insults below. Meanwhile…

There was the exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”  He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” [Read more…]

Writing not just about, but WITH mental health issues

This is Mental Health Awareness Week as the media have been screaming out at us. How do you feel about the fact that mental health has been, up until recently, swept under social carpets and is now just emerging from the dustpans as an “OK” subject to talk about?

writers and mental health

As a writer, when you start scratching the surface of your own mental health you are likely to find a few worrying things lurking there.

Not for me to slag off science, PC commentators, Royal Family members and all the others who are hopping up on to the mental health bandwagons. No, bitchy though I am, these people are doing a great job in de-horrifying our views of mental health problems.

Writers and other creatives are almost expected to be a “bit loopy”

[Read more…]

Do you get writers’ block? Or is it really thinkers’ block?

When you say you have writers’ block, is that really what it is? Or is it thinkers’ block?

Thinkers' block or writers' block

How do we get rid of thinker’s block when we’re writing?

Apart from a few partial exceptions (e.g. literary fiction perhaps) writing is not the be-all and end-all of the artsy-fartsy world. It is not even an art form like painting or drawing or sculpture.

Writing is a vehicle: a means of communicating your thoughts to your audience. And they need to be the right thoughts.

Purist trolls: line up here to call me a philistine cow

[Read more…]

My favourite women authors – a double day celebration #IWD

With two important days to celebrate, I thought it would be appropriate to combine them – so we cheer for World Book Day March 7th, 2019 and International Women’s Day March 8th 2019.

As the theme for #InternationalWomen’sDay in 2019 is #BalanceforBetter, what better way for me to express my admiration, with a balance of excellent books and great women, than to list my top 20 choices of books written by women authors whom I admire.

INternational Women's Day World Book Day

Let’s celebrate World Book Day and International Women’s Day together.

Please feel free to add your own choices in the comments below. But for my own choices…

The top 20 books written by women that mean the most to me

Some of these authors are famous. Some are not – yet. Some are dead. But all have touched me deeply. [Read more…]

Writing for a living – and for life: an interview with Ali, Suze and a Sprocker

I was really flattered to be asked by the amazing Ali Moore, psychotherapist and coach at Bemoore, to feature in one of her Reconnection videos on YouTube.

Bemoore Reconnection

Ali Moore

Ali’s Reconnection series, as the name suggests, explores times in people’s lives when they have – either voluntarily, coincidentally or accidentally – reconnected with themselves and others and so made substantial improvements to their happiness and wellbeing.

In this video, I share the time when, after many years focusing on advertising writing while writing and marketing my own books, [Read more…]

New authors on Black Friday: get your book published professionally

**Do you have a superb idea for a book, but don’t know how to go about writing and producing it?
**Does writing a book seem a lovely idea, but such a large project is a bit scary – especially if it’s your first one?
**Or … do you want to start a bit smaller with one or more booklets – and/or eBooks – to establish yourself and your credibility with a lesser commitment (and reduced cost?)

Get your book written and published - without the scams

That wonderful feeling when your new book is actually published and out there…me with my latest. (And over-bleached hair – apologies.) Photo by Kate Everall .

**Do you wonder if there’s an audience for your book idea, and how to tailor it to appeal?
**Have you explored the idea of using a book publishing service but been scared off by publishing scammers? (And there are many…)

The help you need to write your book and get it out there

The bad news, is that writing a book today just adds to the millions of books out there all fighting for attention on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, other online outlets, plus the few large bricks-and-mortar outlets that still manage to keep their heads above water.

The good news, is that there are now several more ways to publish a book and none of them carry the old-fashioned stigma of “vanity publishing.” [Read more…]

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