Get that dark horror story of yours into the light … by May 31st!

Do you love to write dark horror stories – that haven’t seen the light of day yet? Here’s an invitation to submit your most bone-chilling horror short story to the next anthology from Corona Books … from the publisher himself, our special guest writer today, Lewis Williams. (NB: unlike with many such invitations, you don’t have to pay to submit whether your story gets selected or not. But hurry: deadline is just one week away. Sz.) Here’s Lewis…

Get that dark horror story of yours into the light ... by May 31st!

Have you got a brilliant horror story lurking in the dark … and want to get it into the light at long last?

I’ve always liked horror stories

I guess for the same reasons others do: for the intensity of emotion they can engender whilst at the same time you can be safe in the knowledge it’s only a story and isn’t real; for the shock and surprises and twists; for the way they can affect you viscerally as well as intellectually, making you think about some aspect of life or of behaviour in a new way. [Read more…]

Book cover design: key tips to make yours work

Great news! You’ve written a book – your first book perhaps? – and if you’re self or hybrid publishing (as many people do now) you need to commission a cover design that will do your superb words the justice they deserve.

Book cover design: key tips to make yours work

My own design for an eBook – hardly art, but it ticks all the boxes for nonfiction

Not surprisingly, what your book cover design needs to take into consideration depends to a large extent on the following key issues… [Read more…]

14 really clever puns, thanks to Ellen

This week’s #SundaySmile is a small but perfectly formed collection of clever puns, (or we should say, quality puns) as shared by my good friend Ellen of the excellent All About Quality company in southern England…14 really clever puns, thanks to EllenPsssstt … don’t tell Ellen, but I have heard a couple of these before … however there are some here that are new to me and, IMHO, are hilarious. Enjoy.

Which pun is your favourite?

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

14 really clever puns, thanks to Ellen

Sir Cumference: ate too much pi ?

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. Would a grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

8. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

14 really clever puns, thanks to Ellen

We’ll all go on ahead.

10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

13. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

14. Would a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray be a seasoned veteran.

How many of these puns have you heard before?

Please share, so I’ll know to knock them off any future lists!

Have a great week. Sz x

 

 

 

Does your book’s title really need to be SEO friendly?

You’re writing a book – or you’ve finished it – and now you’re looking for the right title that’s going to whack it up to the Number 1 spot on Amazon.

Does your book's title really need to be SEO friendly?

Where the title and tagline really do matter, is in the book’s page listing on Amazon (and all other online book retailers, too.)

Like every other kind of literature from a hard-boiled selling point of view, your book’s title needs to shout out not what the author or publisher thinks portrays the gist of the story.

Nope: what the title (and its hangers-on i.e. taglines, blurbs, etc. which we’ve looked at elsewhere on HTWB) needs to convey is what this book is going to do for you. [Read more…]

If you spam in English, FFS learn how to write it first

Do you spit fur and feathers when you get a spam-mail that insults your website’s performance … in bad, incorrect English? I do. I know I should just hit the delete key but these people’s conceited belligerence brings out the Taurean beast in me, as well as my writer’s indignancy at their often ridiculous use of our crazy language.

If you spam in English, FFS learn how to write it first

Do yourselves a favour: hire a native English language copywriter to rewrite your mailshots so at least some English speakers might take you seriously.

Jenny finds my website “very perspective” and it could soon disappear from search

Our Jenny Jones works for a company called Semalt.com, based in the Ukraine (or maybe Russia.) Here’s how she thought she could bully me into submission, notwithstanding the fact that her English is laughable… [Read more…]

25 written tips for wannabee pony owners…

With the summer holidays looming in the northern hemisphere a number of children (mainly little girls) will be winding parents up to get them a pony. For the benefit of uninitiated parents, I wrote this advice to help you understand what you might be letting yourself in for.

written tips about owning a pony

It will not be a good guard animal – ponies are wimps.

Much as your child’s first pony might look like a fluffy German Shepherd Dog or a very large cat, be warned…

Before you buy or borrow a pony, read the following:

[Read more…]

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