Do these words ever make you, er, wonder…

A lovely contribution to our humour spot from the intrepid Malc Harding, Super Hero and member of my Facebook funnies group “The Joke Street Journal.

Do you these words ever make you, er, wonder...

Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?

If you’re on Facebook and enjoy some good laughs, click on the link and come on over. It’s naughty rather than nasty adult humour, with a bit of smut but no porn, racism, homophobia, sexism, jokes about disabilities or excessive vulgarity/scatology.

Also, I tell new members to remember it’s an open group, so don’t publish anything you wouldn’t want your kids to read if they’re on Facebook too…and when someone applies to join and they’re obviously under 18, I turn them away.

So, with thanks to Malc, have you ever wondered…

[Read more…]

Who the hell writes about whoever-self?

When someone responds to “how are you today” with “good thanks, and yourself?” … it makes my grammar fascist nerve-endings jangle.

“Yourself” here seems lumpy and affected. Why not just “good thanks, and you?” Or even “good thanks, and how are you?”

Who the hell writes about whoever-self?

(Or if we’re going to be truly picky here, it should be “I’m well, thanks. How are you?”)

Anyway to find out why it makes my innate grammar fascist want to spit fur and feathers, I did a little “proper research” to find out just when it is and isn’t comfortable to use that cranky “self” suffix. [Read more…]

Email marketing: how to p*ss off your readers or spamees

When a classic email marketing no-no gets through your spam filter into your inbox, much as it’s annoying it’s worth taking a look to see what we can learn from it.Email marketing: how to piss off your readers or spameesIn this case (see below) its arrogance is diluted mainly by its authors’ ignorance of how to write properly in English.

Why native English matters when you’re writing for marketing, or even for spam

[Read more…]

Alternative medical terms for patients with a sense of humour

Many thanks to my Canadian cousin Mike for sharing these hilarious medical terms. I hasten to say that he is not a doctor and it’s just as well, given the terrifying thought that someone might take these seriously.

Alternative medical terms for patients with a sense of humour
I have added some thoughts to expand and enhance the originals a little. Enjoy.

A glossary of medical terms we hope you will never hear

Artery: the appreciation and study of sculpture, paintings, objets d’art, etc

Aspirate: a recent Americanism meaning to aspire, but adding a syllable to make it seem more important (e.g. “converse” versus “conversate”)

Bacteria: back entrance to the cafeteria [Read more…]

Writing better emails – some back-to-basic tips

Much as we’ve shared earlier articles on emails here on HTWB it’s worth taking another look as time goes on. Here are some of my thoughts on issues which still can be a little perplexing in our daily email correspondence

Writing better emails - some back-to-basic tips

It’s always useful to check over the basics of our email correspondence

1.How informally should you write in a formal email?

[Read more…]

DEAR PARENT – politically correct letters to parents from desperate teachers…

A hilarious selection of letters written and sent home to the parents of recalcitrant brats … as sent to me by my good friend and mentor Dhananjay (Jay) Parkhe from Bangalore, India.

Politically correct letters to parents from desperate teachers...Share these letters to inspire your favourite, long-suffering teacher friends

Dear Parent,
We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. [Read more…]