Christmas Thank You from bitter Mother-In-Law

Christmas Thank You from bitter mother in law

Have you had to deal with a bitter in-law, especially at this sensitive time of the year?

My mother-in-law hated my guts. So much so that when she heard that I had contracted breast cancer when it was already known to have a high long-term survival rate, she sent me a Get Well card in which she had written, “…miracles can happen.” Knowing her, she was hoping to Hell that a miracle was not about to happen in my case which, given that I am still here and she is not, must be a huge disappointment to her up in Heaven or wherever else she might be.

(NB: she was equally vitriolic to everyone else in her own blood family, never mind those of us one step removed, and ended up as one very lonely old woman.)

The following is a letter from a similar mother-in-law

… might this ring bells with some of you?

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married:

Thank you so much for your kind gift and wishes for a Merry Christmas, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering that I can’t breathe or eat.

The only important thing is that you have had a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother.

I sent along my last ten dollars in the card I mailed, which I hope you’ll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.

Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they’ll stay fresh for my grave.

Which reminds me: we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again.

I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she’s never even watched that videotape of my varicose vein surgery, has she?

Well son, it’s time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don’t you worry about me.

I’m also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain.

Now don’t you even think about sending any more money because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year.

Give my love to my darling grandbabies and my regards to whatever-her-name-is — the one with the black roots who stole you screaming from my bosom.

Happy New Year

Love, Mom

Have you had to deal with a bitter in-law, especially at this sensitive time of the year?

Please share. The above story is meant to be a joke and is quite funny, but when you’ve had experience of someone like this for real the humor suddenly pales into insignificance.

Often, it seems that the Festive Holiday period brings out the worst in people’s emotions and leads to family discussions, arguments and worse.

Please share your thoughts!