This post in our series, “Writing from the heart,” is a dark and disturbing piece that rang many bells for me about a family relationship, and made my heart go out to this talented newcomer to freelance writing from Westchester, New York, USA. Please welcome Jen Persichetti…Sz.
“The person who gave me life murdered my soul.”
COLD
By Jen Persichetti
Because of you I am dead behind the eyes
Because of you I am afraid of happiness, and even hold guilt for it
I cry for you and I have no idea why
Maybe its because I am afraid that deep down in a twisted, disturbing and nonsensical way, that I am to blame for your loathing of me
The person who gave me life murdered my soul
My memories of a perpetual love and peaceful home are chalked up to illusions
Guilt creeps in and out of me as I write this, even
Why do you still have a hold on me, my soul….my sanity?
My ability to empathize has been tainted
I recall only being happy for a mere six months, before you put the nail in that coffin too
My subconscious believes you envied the way I felt about _____.
It killed you to see me happy…made you manic, even
You knew it would end. Thus, it was my mind that took the dagger – not my heart
Unfortunately for you, I was able to love again.
You despised that.
My mind, however…holds the vicious haunts that you bestowed upon me
For a long while I pined over the question “what if?”
What if I ignored your tormenting ways, and lived life for me?
The way you did.
What if I dared to disobey you and think for myself just that one time, for the first time?
What if I didn’t allow you to make me feel so minute and powerless, against every shred of dignity that I pretended to have?
You claimed you had reasons why you treated me the way you did; and I obliged
I credit you for your honesty – one can never label you a liar
I’m cold…freezing even, and bitter
Because of you I have become you.
Jen Persichetti
Jen Persichetti works in marketing, and holds a degree in journalism from Mercy College. She is also a full member of the International Association of Professional Writers and Editors (IAPWE). She lives in New York state and is married with three young children.
Thoughts