Funny farewells to the college year for students & graduates

As college students celebrate the end of the academic year in many countries worldwide, here are some clever, funny jokes to help get the parties started…

Students & Graduates: your funniest farewells to the college year!

Too much celebrating? You may still get a “B”…

Obeying orders
A college graduate applied for a job at the Central Intelligence Agency.
Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.
As soon as the young man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the packet.
Inside, a message read: “You’re our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor.”

Financial farming
The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student.
“Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.
“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.
“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean, much impressed.
“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”

Philosophy rocks
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said: “Is this a question? Discuss.”
After a short time he wrote: “If that is a question, then this is an answer.”
The student received an “A” on the exam.

Over hangovers
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.
“I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the course.”
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer.
As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, “Anyone else? This is your last chance.”
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those still remaining.
“I’m glad to see you believe in yourselves,” he said. “You all get ‘A’s.”
Students & Graduates: your funniest farewells to the college year!Filling the jar
A Philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks about 2″ in diameter. He then asked the class if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was. The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course the sand filled up everything else.
“Now” said the professor, “I want you to recognise that this is your life.”
“The rocks are the important  things – your family, your partner, your health, and your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.”
“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.”
“The sand is everything else – the small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life – if you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.”
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.”
“Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
A student then took up the jar, which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer.
Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for a beer.

What’s your favorite college joke?

Please share it with us!

 

 

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