Do these words ever make you, er, wonder…

A lovely contribution to our humour spot from the intrepid Malc Harding, Super Hero and member of my Facebook funnies group “The Joke Street Journal.

Do you these words ever make you, er, wonder...

Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?

If you’re on Facebook and enjoy some good laughs, click on the link and come on over. It’s naughty rather than nasty adult humour, with a bit of smut but no porn, racism, homophobia, sexism, jokes about disabilities or excessive vulgarity/scatology.

Also, I tell new members to remember it’s an open group, so don’t publish anything you wouldn’t want your kids to read if they’re on Facebook too…and when someone applies to join and they’re obviously under 18, I turn them away.

So, with thanks to Malc, have you ever wondered…

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

To finish, some written answers to science exam questions…

I’m told that the science teachers who marked these papers kept the following answers to read whenever they needed a good laugh.

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

What are your favourite funnies that make you laugh when you need one?

Please share!


Image thanks to these kind people.