Does your modern car bore you to tears?

If you love cars – the older, grittier muscle cars and sleek creatures like single seaters and drag racers – you’ll appreciate my sentiments in this rather rude look at most road cars we drive today. Enjoy, vroom, vroom.

funny poem about modern cars on HTWB

…give me a car with a big pair of b*lls…


Why can’t a car be a car any more?
These factories on wheels leave me flummoxed
Driving today has becomes such a bore
Modern cars simply don’t have two b*llocks.

Take the dear SatNav – a crucial device
That shows you the quickest way forward
And usually gets you there easy and nice
Apart from a trip through a farmyard.

“Excuse me please, oh, please pretty please”
The voice says when approaching a junction
In an accent that’s perhaps a bit Japanese
And it sounds like a bodily function.

Then there are cameras above and below
That shout when you’re forthing and backing
And freak out in hysterics if you should go
Six inches too close to some sacking.

Now we should look at the climate control
The choice of fresh options is stunning
From freezing to boiling, you’re on a roll
And you might get it right if you’re cunning.

There are switches for this and switches for that
6 gears, cruise control, power steering
It’s great if you know how and if you know what
And you’re skilled at advanced engineering.

No, give me a car with a big pair of b*lls
V12 motor and brake horses bucking
No SatNav, no AC, no mobile phone calls
Just a car that’s a bloody good, er, let’s not go there…

If you enjoyed this, there are dozens more humorous poems and music articles right here on #HTWB … 

Poetry on HTWB

Mischieverse is coming…

Excerpted from Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes

by Suzan St Maur
to be published in September 2017
by Corona Books UK
© Suzan St Maur 2017