Ridiculous Easter jokes revisited again – with a twist this time

It’s time for Easter jokes and here are our old favourites once again, but this year I’ve updated my comments to reflect current issues, climates and other thorns in our side and added some new and intriguing thoughts.

Humorous Easter Eggs on How To Write Better

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke? It might crack up. (Or poach the joke.)

(If nothing else your kids will love them, and they’ll be able to explain them to you. Well, maybe not those about Donald Duckrump.)

Here we go…

Writing jokes about Easter: enjoy…

A white rooster was strutting around the henhouse on Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every colour of the rainbow. He took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the living daylights out of the resident peacock. (Explain that one, or if you don’t understand it ask a bright 8-year-old.)

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an over-stressed person?
An Easter basket case! (Plenty of those in the White House these days. One in particular.)

How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
EGG-xercise and HARE-robics! (Hares and rabbits are two entirely different animals, but never mind.)

Easter,Easter bunny,Easter eggs,jokes,funny jokes,humor,hilarious

It’s been nice gnawing you.

What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite capital city?
Albunny, New York State!

(And for a few more?)
Lisbunny, Portugal
Bunnyos Aires, Argentina
Rabunnyat, Morocco
Bunnygui, Central African Republic
Malabunny, Equatorial Guinea
Bunnygota, Colombia
Gabunnyorone, Botswana
Bunnyerlin, Germany
Djibunnyouti, Djibouti
Bunnykok, Thailand
Canbunnyerra, Australia
(And if you really want to wear a hare shirt… (apologies: that really is awful)
Haresinki, Finland
Harevana, Cuba
Harenoi, Vietnam

What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a crazy Easter rabbit?
One is bad money, the other is a mad bunny. (Try that bunny with a $100 bill and see what else happens.)

How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?
Only one – after that it’s not empty any more. (Pose that question to the Brexit negotiators and you’ll keep them busy for months.)

What’s long and stylish and full of cats?
The Easter Purrade. (of protestors about climate change. Hope they have more than a cat’s chance in hell of making a difference.)

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?
It might crack up. (Or poach the joke.)

How does Easter end?
With the letter R. (Or with people going back to work afterwards thinking ” Thank Heavens that’s over with for another year.)

What’s pink, has five toes, and is carried by the Easter Bunny?
His lucky people’s foot. (Friend of mine only has four toes on one foot. Want a referral?)

What’s yellow, has long ears, and grows on trees?
The Easter Bunana. (What’s orange, has a very long tie, tells a lot of porkies and is a megalomaniac bully who (for now) runs one of the biggest rabbit warrens in the world?)

How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
Eggs (X) marks the spot. (Probably marks thousands of nasty spots on the faces of those young teenagers who over-indulge in chocolate and sugar Easter treats.)

How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?
He said it was eggs-cellent. (No he didn’t: he said it was eggs-cruciating. Totally agree.)

How does the Easter Bunny travel?
By hare plane. (Hare shirts again, and he’ll probably have problems with eggs-cess luggage. Especially on a bunnybudget airline.)

Jokes about Easter on HTWB

This is a hare. Be honest: have you ever seen such long ears on a rabbit? That’s one of the reasons why they’re different species. OK?

How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur neat?
With a hare brush. (Did I really write that last time? Sheeeeesh…)

What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you. (My horse would say, it’s been nice grinding you into a pulp and slurping you down with water. But horses are like that.)

How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? (No. Carrots or not, quite a few rabbits in my neighbourhood end up dead on my kitchen floor, leading me to assume that they should have seen that bloody cat coming. Forget carrots: try radar.)

How do soggy Easter Bunnies dry themselves?
With a hare-dryer. (He probably had a short cut as many boys do and so was dry in minutes. If a she, a coolish blow-dry would be about right.)

How do rabbits keep their fur looking good?
With hare spray. (NO! Only likely to make it dry and sticky. Hare conditioner called for.)

Why did the bunny go to the dance?
To do the bunny hop. (Or to hare around. Or to let off steam and get relief from endless news posts about Bunnyrexit.)

Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
Because it has four rabbit’s feet. (What if I’m not superstitious? Should I still chop the poor little b*gger’s feet off, dry them and sell them at my local market? Discuss:)

What did the rabbits do after their wedding?
Went on their bunnymoon. (And what do we all do on our honeymoons, apart from detox and recover from the wedding? Apart from eating and drinking?)

Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road (1)?

Easter humour - Hette the hen

At my friend Sue’s house, Hette the hen is The Boss. Easter bunnies had better watch their step.

Because the chicken had his Easter eggs. (If it had any sense it would back right off. Friend of mine has an alpha-female chicken (Hette) who lives mainly in my friend’s home and kills mice and other critters without a second thought. Easter bunny? Watch out for Hette or you’re toast.)

Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road (2)?
To prove he wasn’t chicken! (Or because of myxomatosis, didn’t know about Hette, or thought he was Donald Trump.)

Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them! (So true.  It’s the absence of corners that really f***s you up.)

Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor?
Rabbit De Niro! (Nah. I prefer Hare-y Styles.)

Boy 1: “How did you get that bruise on your arm?”
Boy 2: “I ate some Easter candy.”
Boy 1: “Eating Easter candy won’t give you a bruise.”
Boy 2: “It will if it’s your big brother’s candy!”
(I can think of much more risqué versions of this one, but let’s leave it here for now.)

Why does Peter Cottontail hop down the bunny trail?
Because his parents wouldn’t let him borrow the car! (Or because someone fed up with Easter jokes tied his legs together and dropped him into a deep well. Good job.)

What do you call a dumb bunny?
A hare brain! (One more hare/rabbit gag and I’m out of here. Sz.)

What do you call a rabbit that tells good jokes?
A funny bunny! (How about a rabbit that does blood money or hush money? Much more fun, especially if you write horror stories.)

Even worse jokes about Easter – ETHER BUNNIES

Easter,Easter bunny,Easter eggs,jokes,funny jokes,humor,hilarious

The Easter Bunny can kiss my *ss.

Knock,knock.
Who’s there?
Ether
Ether who?
Ether bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anna
Anna who?
Anna nother ether bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Juan
Juan who?
Juan more ether bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Stella
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin
Justin who?
Justin other Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Samoa
Samoa who?
Samoa Ether Bunnies.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Beryl
Beryl who?
Beryl of ether bunnies.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sherwood.
Sherwood who?
Sherwood like to see another ether bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey
Dewey who?
Dewey have to listen to any more ether bunny jokes?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo “beep, beep”…run over all the ether bunnies.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it’s not another ether bunny joke?

Have you lost the will to live? I have, nearly … but I hope you’re having a great Easter anyway!

photo credit: Robobobobo via photopin
photo credit: Dornenwolf via photopin cc 

 

 

 

 

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