Education with a sense of humour…

A good education is worth its weight in laughs, according to the following anecdotes. Enjoy.

jokes about education

Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations.

What’s the difference?
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises.
Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.
He was quiet, sad, looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
“Scared, Lieutenant?” I asked.
He replied, “No, just a bit apprehensive.”
I asked, “What’s the difference??”
He replied, “That means I’m scared with a university education.”

One third X cubed
Two mathematicians, Joe and Richard , were having dinner in a restaurant. They were arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. Richard claimed that this average was woefully inadequate while Joe maintained that it was surprisingly high.
“I’ll tell you what, “said Richard, “when I get back from the bathroom we’ll ask our waitress a simple calculus question. If she gets it right, I’ll pick up dinner. If not, you do, okay?”
They agreed, but once he’d left Joe called the waitress over.
“When my friend comes back, ” he told her, ” he’s going to ask you a question; you should respond “one third X cubed’ no matter what the question is; got that? There’s twenty bucks in it for you.” She happily agreed to the gag.
Richard returned from the men’s room and called the waitress over. “The food was wonderful,” he stated. “Incidentally, do you know what the integral of X squared is?”
The waitress looked startled, then pensive, almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet, made gurgling noises, (Joe was starting to sweat) and finally said, “Umm, one third X cubed?”
Joe beamed in relief as an astonished Richard paid the check and a clearly irritated waitress muttered under her breath, “… plus a constant.”

funny jokes about college educationHow high?
This legend, the truth of which is not necessarily related to its value, concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen: “Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.”
One student replied: “Tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.”
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately.
He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics.
To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn’t make up his mind which to use.
On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
“Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.
jokes about universityOr if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper’s shadow, and thereafter it is simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper.
But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sq root(l / g).
Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.
If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.
But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor’s door and say to him ‘If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this building.'”
The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics.

The long way in English
In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity.
Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency.
Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations.
Let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast.
Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain, vapid verbosity.
In short: Be brief and don’t use big words.

What’s your favourite education joke?

Please share it!