Enjoying your Zoom meetings? Really?

Much as we owe many of our small (and bigger) businesses’ survival to the likes of Zoom, MS Teams and other platforms during this Coronavirus pandemic, some meetings are more successful than others.
funny poem about zoom meetingsHere’s a short, sharp ode to the less-than-comfortable type, attended by a group consisting mainly of women… (probably in the public sector)

The not-so-good Zoomie

It’s ten to nine and nearly time
For this morning’s Zoomie
Rush to put some makeup on
So I don’t look too mushroomie.

Put a bra on – flippetty-flop
Spray the hair with fumies
Put on top from dear Top Shop
And find some fresh joggeroomies.

Now the host is welcoming
Us muted member Zoomies
Wait with bated (Vindaloo) breath
To speak as real-life humies.

“Welcome to this meeting, all”
She smiles at us poor Zoomies
“We’ll get to all of you in turn,”
…she lies through gritted toothies.

The speaker gets on with her show
Drones on like a long-dead Zoombie
Why do we need to listen to
All this doom and gloomy?

Finally we get to ask
Some questions, nice and roomie
But no sooner than the droning’s stopped
It’s time to end this Zoomie.

Two hours with my mic on mute
My bra hurts my bosoomies
My bum’s asleep and feet are cold
So much for high-tech Zoomies.

My back is aching like a fiend
This posture-poison Zoomie
All things considered I’d prefer
A double mastectoomie.

Not to worry, start again
Tomorrow’s brand new Zoomie
And if it’s bad we’ll blame it on
The piss-poor econoomie.


The above is fictional, as well as rather bad poetry. Bears no resemblance to any Zoom or Teams groups I participate in. OK? Well … maybe one or two I attend in the public sector … but let’s not go there right now.

What are your experiences with successful (and unsuccessful) Zoom and similar meetings?

Please share!




  1. Very good! I relate – even though I’m a bloke (no bra or bosoomies).