Ode to the sh… birds

You can’t help admiring wild birds no matter how much they drive you crazy. Here are some humorous thoughts about the little feathered friends who cheer us up every day, even though the calling cards they leave behind can dissolve wooden fences, car paint and probably solid granite as well…

funny poem about garden birds on HTWB

What to do, oh birdie lovers? Tell my cats to kill them now?


How I love the birds who go sh…
On my windshield and what’s more
All over my back yard – and yet it
Matters not. I love them all.

Those feathery little b*stards who do
Sit on my fence before the feeder
Crap on the wood with acidic poo-poo
Playing food follow-my-leader.

Looking out of my office window
I can see those birds line up
Like the aircraft there in limbo
Coming into land abrupt.

What is it that makes these sh… birds
Heed their air traffic control?
I would love to know the code words
That they use for flight patrol.

In the meantime sh… is gathering
On the rotting wooden bits
Of the fence that takes a hammering
Where the birdies craps and sits.

What to do, oh birdie lovers?
Tell my cats to kill them now?
Sit here telling them their mothers
Get them out and fast – and how?

Nah. It’s simple when you think it
Move the effing feeders – yeah
Right away from all that junk it’s
Up the garden somewhere far.

Now the feeders are in placement
Up the back yard, bird sh…-free
But I’m looking from the basement
So it’s hard to hear or see.

Never mind folks, sh… birds know us
Right inside our hearts they dwell
Never forget to share your focus
On those little sh… we love so well.

If you enjoyed this, there are dozens more humorous poems and music articles right here on #HTWB

Have you read your Huff Post today?

Mischieverse is coming…

Excerpted from “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes”

by Suzan St Maur
to be published in 2017
by Corona Books UK
© Suzan St Maur 2017