Caesar Salad. And don’t forget proper anchovies…

Whether you love or hate Caesar Salad, it’s popular enough – and ruined often enough by restaurants – to merit a slightly rude poem all about it. Bon appétit.

Funny rude poem about caesar salad by Suzan St MaurCAESAR SALAD

Caesar Salad, that’s my joy – a culinary homily
Repeated in Brit gastropubs with regular monotony
And Stateside served in volumes big enough to feed a family
But, for me, it’s an excuse for sheer and bloody gluttony.

Now, God help the commis chef who forgets about anchovies
And not those boring pseudo fresh jobs, thank you very mucho
I love the salty, bitey, slinky, ones that schlepp right up my nosies
To tell the truth I eat them from the can, so there. It’s just my common toucho.

And then the lettuce which should be a Romaine family member
Although in many restos you’d be so hard pushed to find that
With luck your lettuce will be classed on indeterminate gender
But never mind – it’s always delicieux, no matter what-what.

Funny rude poem about Caesar Salad on How To Write Better

The salty, bitey, slinky, ones that schlepp right up my nosies…

Next we come to big decisions: chicken bits to amplify?
Not sure those are worth the extra. Depends much on what you like
Is it just a tasty salad that your taste buds can’t deny?
Or is it an excuse they use to give the price a damned great hike?

Of course, you can have bacon bits within your Caesar special
Or bits of ham or salmon or **** knows what other such like
But for me, with anchovies, it’s perfect: that’s official
And shove that other stuff just where the sun don’t shine so much like.

Here’s some advice to restaurateurs who feature Caesar Salads
Don’t mess around with their delights: they’re brilliant as they stand there
Just keep it coming pure and straight with no folkloric ballads
And with anchovies out straight from cans so salty and to die fere…

Have you read your Huff Post today?

Mischieverse is coming…

Excerpted from “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes”

by Suzan St Maur
to be published in 2017
© Suzan St Maur 2016-2017