Getting older and proud to be, dammit

Thanks to my good pal Eleanor S for sharing this missive she received recently from an older friend. Some true wisdom, indeed…

Humor In Writing from HowToWriteBetter.net

…and it’s the tortoise life for him…

It’s the tortoise life for me!

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s bum.

1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4.. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 200 years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the lamp post.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?

16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m hereafter

19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

20. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE……….??????

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. 

Humor in writing from HowToWriteBetter.net

And if the tortoise life is NOT for you, you might like… (instant downloads)

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English
“The English Language Joke book”…hundreds of laughs about this crazy language of ours
The Bumper Book of Business Jokes“…over 500 wicked laughs about the workplace

photo credit: vince42 via photopin cc

Comments

comments

Thoughts

  1. What wisdom with humour. I smiled and laughed a lot and am going to send the link to several “over 60” friends!

Trackbacks

  1. […] Blog post at How To Write Better : Thanks to my good pal Eleanor S for sharing this missive she received recently from an older friend. Some true wisdom, indeed… [caption[..]  […]

Thoughts

*

css.php