Google Pitbull to purge all inferior written content from 2014

 

HowToWriteBetter.net

Get ready for Google Pitbull in 2014

Much to the relief of grammar Nazis like me, a recent leak from Google HQ in Mountain View, CA, confirmed our earlier suspicions that far beyond initiatives like Google Penguin, Panda and Zebra, Google Pitbull is due to annihilate all content with poor spelling, grammar, punctuation and syntax as from April 1st, 2014.

A spokesperson from the Googleplex admitted this last week and said, “we weren’t going to announce this just yet because we didn’t want to scare off millions of bloggers who don’t give a shit about correct usage of English or other language but just throw together whatever they think will sell some product for them and that’s enough.”

“However now that it’s out in the open we may as well embrace it and remind bloggers and other content producers that they only have a year in which to clean up their acts and stop taking the piss out of the American-English language.”

So what does this mean to bloggers?

Obviously this could spell the end to the whimsical views of some bloggers that correct grammar ‘don’t matter’ and the odd goof in spelling, punctuation and syntax is kind of a cute way of expressing a blogger’s or web writer’s human fallibility and down-to-earth normality/normalcy.

Much as one can sympathize with these sentiments, in our current GoogleAge who are we to disagree with the Pitbull edicts? Google, after all, is a highly professional organization and it’s hardly surprising that they no longer wish content on their platform to come across as crappy, uneducated, mis-spelled nonsense.

“No matter how cute and delightful bloggers or other writers might be, they have a duty to ensure that whatever they publish is of a reasonably good grammatical standard,” added the Google spokesperson. “We don’t want to be responsible for pumping any more sub-standard crap in whatever language into cyberspace. We’ve done that and got the T-shirt, but enough’s enough.”

And what else will Pitbull achieve?

HowToWriteBetter.net

Happy Easter, by the way …

It would appear that Pitbull’s algorithms won’t just stop at nixing poor grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. Beyond that it is said to be very strict about boring, patronizing, unoriginal content and so-called ‘curated’ content that is derived from plug-ins that effectively help you compile blog posts and articles using bits of other people’s original material.

“With Pitbull, we’re really on the warpath to eliminate as much written garbage and other useless content as possible,” concluded the Google spokesperson. “Frankly, we’ve had enough of people thinking they can write whatever they like online and give the finger to a) proper language and b) our intelligent consumers. We may be Google, but we’re sure as hell not Gullible.”

Additional serious reading for April 1st (instant downloads):

“The English Language Joke book”…hundreds of laughs about this crazy language of ours
The Bumper Book of Business Jokes“…over 500 wicked laughs about the workplace
How To Smile Through Cancer“…a cancer survivor’s journey of life and laughter

HTWB HUMOR logo small

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Thoughts

  1. And today’s date is? 🙂

  2. Thank goodness Suze you’ve highlighted this! What would we do? 😉

  3. LOL Nicola … sadly this is an April Fool, but in some ways I wish it were true!

  4. As I suggested to Nicola, Lynn, I’d be fine with this if it were true…but I can think of quite a few other online writers and bloggers who wouldn’t be!

  5. Just as I was about to rage on about rubbish conjecture about Google’s intentions, the penny dropped in my pre-coffee brain 🙂

    Good one, Suzan!

    • And it may not even be rubbish conjecture after all, David … as you’ll see from the other comments Angelika and I may start a petition for Google to do it for real. Are you in? 😉

  6. If we share this post enough, google will find it and be so impressed, that they will implement it – they’ve got until 2014 🙂

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