How bad writing will cost you sales opportunities

Today we welcome sales expert Niraj Kapur, who quite rightly spits fur and feathers about the way wannabee business suppliers ruin their chances with prospects due to writing the wrong words in the wrong way. Over to Niraj…

We’ve all experienced this truly bad writing

bad sales writing

Don’t talk about yourself. Write about how you deliver benefits & help prospects.

You connect with someone interesting on LinkedIn and they sent you a terrible sales pitch.

You ask someone at a networking event to send you information and it’s full of attachments, all about them and nothing to benefit you.

You attend an exhibition and the sponsors send you an impersonal automated email within minutes of your leaving their exhibition stand.

My life as an expert sales coach and trainer has two roles: to get my clients results, and to generate more revenue for my business so I can keep expanding while supporting my daughter at university.

So the challenges you’re having in your business – I’m dealing with them every single day, too

What can we do to avoid writing terrible sales emails?

    • Don’t talk about yourself. Talk about how you can help them.
    • Ask the client, “what is the best way to work with you?”
    • Always use a person’s name. As Dale Carnegie says in his timeless book “How To Win Friends and Influence People,” the sweetest sound is a person’s name.

  • “Hope you’re ok” or “I hope you’re well.” You know who says that? Terrible sales people. Unless someone is a close mate / buddy, get straight into business and or recap on something important you recently discussed.
  • Your subject line should ideally be 5 words or less.
  • 99% of emails are too long. Research shows people usually only read the first 3-5 lines of an email. (True: keep your main message well “above the fold” – what readers see without scrolling down. Sz)
  • Never send an attachment unless someone is expecting it. It will get deleted, often blocked. (Mainly because people rightly are twitchy about downloading viruses. Sz)
  • PS almost 70% of emails that get replied focus on the PS. This is an interview you read about the client, a case study on their website, something you have in common on LinkedIn.

Here’s another example. This is actually from a sales organisation

  • Only my wife calls me by my full name and that’s when she’s angry.
  • They talk about benefits yet there’s not a single benefit in the email
  • No call to action

A company in the USA approached me about a webinar for their graduates and alumni on generating more sales for their business. Apart from their website looking like it was built in 2002, they seemed nice people and I like their vision.

I didn’t feel the business would generate me any ROI. I shared the website with a few trusted colleagues of mine and after discussing it, respectfully declined the company’s offer.

Then they attacked me by email saying I was short sighted that I needed to speak to other people … that I lacked leadership skills and worst of all he signed it off  “I was going to wish you the best of luck, however…”

When it couldn’t get any worse, he said he’d thought “I’d respect him for sharing his opinion.” Well, I’ve shared the email with my network of sales trainers, business owners and CEOs so they don’t waste their time with this company.

You’ve been guilty of producing poor, rude or downright crass sales pitch writing? 

Chances are they will never work with your company again. If people reject your offer, there are a number of reasons.

It’s not for them … they don’t have time … they don’t like you.

Don’t start attacking people simply because they say no to your offer. People say no, that’s business. If you’ve chased a business deal for several months, it’s frustrating when someone says no.

If you’ve just contacted them and they’ve said no politely, don’t start attacking them.

They will tell more people than you can possibly imagine and you will limit your chances of success.

Have you received emails from business wannabees who attack you merely because you say no thanks?

Please share your thoughts. We can all learn from them … both the attacks, and how you deal with them

Photo of Niraj

Niraj Kapur

Niraj Kapur is an expert sales coach, speaker and author of the Amazon bestseller, Everybody Works in Sales.
Clients include Barclays, University of Buckingham, ASC Financial Solutions, Cranfield Innovation Centre and Natwest.
To generate more sales in your business, contact him on + 44  7733 179 854 or email