How NOT to complain about a crappy vacation

Planning a summer vacation to an exotic beach location? Here’s how NOT to complain if it doesn’t work out…

Bad vacation? How not to complainMany thanks to my good friend Eleanor S. for forwarding these top tips on how to fail when complaining about a less-than-restful holiday…as apparently culled from the annals of one of the UK’s premier travel bureaux. Needless to say none of these dim-witted protesters got their money back…

“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

“It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.”

“On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”

“We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”

“The beach was too sandy.”

“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”

“Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”

“No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”

“There was no egg slicer in the apartment…”

“We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

“The roads were uneven.”

“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England: it only took the Americans three hours to get home.”

“I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”

Lousy vacation? Don't try these if you want your money back...“The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation.’ We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying there?”

“There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad.”

“We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”

“It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

“I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite.”

“My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Now, make sure you are properly  understood whether on vacation or not…

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

“English to English: the A to Z of British-American translations”…more than 2,000 business and social terms from the USA, the UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand

photo credit: egarc2 via photopin cc

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