How not to spam bloggers, by I. M. A. Spammerdick

If you have a blog, or a website with a blog, you may well get approached by kind souls offering to do anything from enhancing your content to transforming your life if only you include their totally unsuitable material within your blog content.

how not to spam a blogger

Do you ever stop to read the spam you receive? It certainly can open your eyes…

I have to admit it, though. I read a lot of my spam.

Why such a saddo? It’s because even though it’s spam I can learn from it. (And get some laughs from it.) Here are some of the more outrageous examples…

How’s your Mandarin/Cantonese?

Would love to know what this fascinating collection of symbols means … and it’s typical of about 20 emails per day that wander their way into my inbox:

AV网盘出售 –成人视频云盘QQ 403766464

再为寻找资源东奔西走!!!!QQ 403766464
也可以购买我们拷贝好的硬盘1T 2T 3T都可以选购,使用更加方便稳定
才是最重要的。QQ 403766464


If you’re spamming a website about writing in English, that’s based in England, it’s a bit of no-brainer that using a Chinese language ain’t going to work. Have you ever thought of getting your stuff translated? Hmmm?

How to waste a blogging chance by being a patronising prat

I’m a blogger and I wanted to create a sponsored post on your website as it seems you are an expert on your topic. That’s why I wanted to offer you value proposition for your readers. Inform me your price that you charge for sponsored articles.
If this sounds like something you would like to go forward with, let me know.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best Regards.
(no name)

I am letting you know: I don’t do sponsored articles. Ever. And you’re right, I am an expert on my topic, which in this case is how to tell pompous spammers to **** right off.

Do you detect a funny smell about this blogging approach? Yep – so do I.

Hello Suze,
I have 5000+ websites with good domain authority and Alexa rank with real traffic.
Do you want guest posts written and published on high ranking sites with backlinks to your website? Then this service is for you.
I will write and publish an excellent articles with a do-follow backlink.
Each article will be relevant to your niche and contain a do-follow link to your website with your desired anchor text.
Can you please let me know if you are interested? I would love to send you more details.

I bet you would love to send me more details. Trouble is, I think Google might just see through this little scam, don’t you?

Now, a truly targeted blog to help bloggers everywhere…

One of my clients has written a powerful blog about ‘Freelance Stress Tips’. He’s one of the leading freelance copywriters in the UK.
I was wondering if you could share his blog post? Or even mention it on an upcoming blog post of your own. The link to his blog post is (link here.)
(name) Many Thanks

I checked out this link. For a “one of the leading freelance copywriters in the UK,” your client writes more we-wee than a bull elephant discharges after a heavy night on the beer. Much as I love to support my fellow writers, this one’s writing ticks every “don’t do this” box in the book. Tell him to learn how to write copy first, and then get back to me.

Talking of “we-wee,” here’s the solo version… I – I

I tend to use a lot of royalty free stock video footage in my content, whether it be a motion background for my YouTube end screen or an After Effects template for adding animated text.
I feel like it adds a higher layer of professionalism without adding a lot of time, expense, and complexity to my video production process.
I typically use video footage from (name of company), so they were cool enough to sponsor this message and offer you 7 days of free downloads from their stock footage site! Grab 20 clips a day for 7 days from their massive library of 115,000+ stock footage clips, After Effect templates, and more.

Do you know something? I really couldn’t give a tupenny damn what you tend to use, what you feel, and what you typically use. If you want your spam to be a little less about you and more about effective sales, have a look at this article here.

And some more I – I

Hi Suzan,
I’m (name), an ecommerce entrepreneur on the lookout for guest writing opportunities.
I have managed campaigns for high turnover ecommerce stores, written for global brands, as well as managed my own side hustles. I’ve now gone 100% entrepreneur and I’d like to raise my online profile, so I thought I’d reach out to you with some story ideas.
I’ve come up with some ideas that would be suitable for your audience, and that I think would work well on your blog. (etc.)
P.S. Thanks for taking the time to consider my offer; I know you’re probably very busy! Appreciated.

Yes, I AM very busy. And I have no interest whatsoever in ecommerce as a topic for my site because it’s not relevant. What’s my site all about? There’s a clue in its name …

Sneaky one, this…

Hi Suzan
How’s things, I hadn’t heard from you for a while and wondered how you were getting on with your website?
I am here to help if you need to get ranked higher in Google and increase visibility online, website traffic and conversions.
Look forward to hearing from you.

The reason why you haven’t heard from me for a while, is because I have never heard of you. Nice try, though. (And by the way, it’s “how ARE things.“)

This written, emailed spam went to my Cancer Survivorship site…

Good morning Milton,
My name is XXX, I volunteer with an organization called (NAME CONNECTED WITH ADDICTION AMONGST MILITARY PEOPLE).
We are an institution that provides information on drugs and other addictive substances. Also, we try to promote a substance-free society.
I am reaching out to you simply because I would like to share a resource that hopefully, you could include on your website: (URL OF ADDICTION SITE).
I think the timing couldn’t be better. In a world of escalating military tensions, we should always remember the suffering that our soldiers are put through, not only during wartime but also after they finish duty. (etc., etc.)
Do you think you would be able to get back to me on this?

No. Have a look at our website and refine your bloody mailing list. Once again, the clue is in the name … the Milton Keynes Cancer Patient Partnership. And by the way, pea-brain, how many other goofs has your email automation system made recently? “Good morning Milton?” Milton Keynes is a city. ROFL.

And she came back with more written spam

Good morning,
It’s XXX again.
I just wanted to make sure that you have received my previous email in which I suggested a resource for your webpage.
I do not mean to sound pushy or to be intrusive in any way whatsoever. I apologize in advance if that is the case. But I really believe that this can be important.
The more we spread the message and create awareness, the more people will be able to deal with problems like mine. And at the end of the day, this saves lives.
Please keep me posted.
Warm regards,

Yes, you are pushy. And I’ll tell you what your biggest problem is: you can’t ****ing read. If you’re going to spam bloggers, do your homework. Warm regards from Milton.

Scattergun spam just p*sses bloggers off, when in some cases at least, a more targeted and considered approach could yield much better results.

Do you ever stop to read the spam you receive? It certainly can open your eyes, if only to see how much garbage is on the WWW – and how many idiots there are out there ruining possible opportunities by being careless, lazy and inept.
Please share your views!

Spam image – with many thanks to Vince Lamb