How not to write picture captions, by a leading UK newspaper … episode 3

https://howtowritebetter.net/category/weekend-writing-humour/Once again without mentioning names, one of the UK’s best loved/hated newspapers really ought to get their picture caption writers some lessons in English syntax and other literary trifles. Consider the following verbatim examples…and this is the third  in the series of observations…

The new Queen favors Natan for many official events, and the moment King Arthur, 79, handed the thrown over to Phillipe was no exception – the designer created a fitted shift with a folded neckline and a low back. Surely a designer wetsuit would have been more appropriate for her, depending on what the old boy threw at Phillipe. (And the previous Belgian King’s name is Albert, not Arthur, you twonk.)

Runs in the family: Newborn Arabella is the spitting image of her new baby brother (pictured), who was born in New York on Monday evening. Aha, OK. Are they twins? I thought Arabella was two. And I’d recommend Imodium for those runs.

Fashionable friends: Demi caught up with stylish pal and reality star Rachel Zoe as the VIP dinner. I know Demi has her moments but I’m shocked that she has taken up cannibalism.

Suited and booted: Joe Jonas looked relaxed despite rumours dogging himself and the band after they cancelled their tour. Well, they say that dogging yourself is quite a relaxing pastime if you’re into that sort of thing.

Wrapped up: David Cameron, pictured wearing a jumper with wife Samantha, would encourage people to consider people to wear an extra layer during the cold weather. Good thinking, Dave – with two of you crammed into one jumper you’ll both be even warmer.

Strutting: The Pour It Up singer marched about the stage throwing up signs here and there. Someone mentioned she had been eating no-parking signs outside earlier. Shame they didn’t agree with her.

Cosy? The songstress looked particularly warm, perhaps on account of the desert temperatures. No sh*t. Really? I’d never have guessed.

Tantrum totty: Amber Heard, seen with her actor boyfriend Johnny Depp, allegedly blew up on the set of thriller London fields over a group of onlookers. Seems they found bits of her as far away as Romford to the east and Hounslow to the west.

Well matched: The 43-year-old Oscar winner matched his baby blues with his necktie as he cuddled the Argentine-born former bartender on the green carpet. Might have been more comfortable if they had got a room.

Princess Marie of Denmark, Prince Joachim of Denmark and Princess Athena of Denmark attend the christening of Princess Athena of Denmark on May 20, 2012 in Tonder, Denmark. So pleased Princess Athena could make it to her own christening. And what was that country again?

Victoria Beckham attended the Royal Wedding with husband David wearing a trapeze design of her own and Christian Louboutin shoes. Naughty David. Victoria really should stop him dressing up in her clothes.

Line of succession: The Queen is flanked by William holding George and Charles. The first time a British monarch has been pictured with three heirs since Queen Victoria. He’s a strong lad, that William. George is pretty light but Daddy must weigh a fair bit.

New protege: Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein posed on the blue carpet with Maria, who has some previous acting experience. Should we assume that her acting experience consists of faking it with very old movie moguls?

Her colour: The most famous Kardashian looks great in a pale shade, she’s been married twice. That’s what marriage can do to you, Kim. Here’s a tip: stay single and brighten up.

What are your favorite news and magazine captions, and why? Please share the ones you find the funniest..

While you’re here, don’t forget to stop by my Bookshop…books and eBooks to help you write better – and to give to friends and family (don’t forget the Holiday Season is coming soon)…

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  1. I haven’t got any to add to your splendid collection here, but wanted to thank you for a funny on a Sunday. Made me giggle, thank you!

  2. If you want similar giggles every day, just get yourself a copy of the UK’s Daily M… ssshhhh! Glad you enjoyed them Andrea.

  3. I laughed. Oh, how I needed it. Thank you!

    • You’re very welcome, Virginia – great to see you here! And lots more laughs where those came from – both here in the Humor category and also if you read the British Daily Mai…, oh, whoops…

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