How not to write picture captions, by a leading UK newspaper … episode 5


Were they conversing with
the parrots or the hyenas?

Here’s the first round for 2014, of hilarious picture captions from one of the UK’s most loved/hated newspapers and I’m delighted to see their sub-editors have not put “how to get our syntax right” down as one of their New Year’s resolutions.

Without mentioning names (other than nicknames like The Daily Whoops or even The Daily Kardashian) I hope this newspaper goes on producing superb goofs like these forever and ever.

Now, without further ado…

Earlier in the day William shared a joke with his father Prince Charles while on a visit to London zoo to launch a new conversation project.
Were they conversing with the parrots or the hyenas?

Sneaking out: Pixie nipped outside during the event for a craft cigarette with pop star and BFF Rita Ora.
(Craft = bourgeois-speak for a spliff.)

Wrapped up warm: Cressida made her way to the carol concert on a warm sheepskin coat on the arm of a male friend.
Whatever turns you on, furry.

Evening over: Olivia and her friend head over the car after an evening of eating.
Hope the car wasn’t too smelly on the way home.

Where’s the TV cameras? Surprisingly it was a day off from filming her reality show and it appeared Kourtney wasn’t filming the day out for her Kardashians reality show.
We got it the first time, pea-brain.

That was nice: Kourtney left the restaurant sated, satisfied and perhaps still a wee bit sleepy.
Maybe they did more in there than just eat lunch.

August: Osage County: Julia and Meryl play a mother and daughter who frequently clash in their latest movie.
They should give up movies: problem solved.

‘I regret not having more children’: Barbara Walters tears up as she reveals the one thing she would have done differently during emotional interview.
That’s OK Barbara, we wouldn’t want to watch you give birth on TV anyway.

‘Khloé and Lamar have nothing to worry about as far as fiances,’ a source tells UsWeekly…
That’ll teach them: should have stopped at getting engaged.

Dressed all in black and clutching her Chanel handbag, members of her entourage where ready to assist the reality star on her way back home.
After which, presumably, her entourage emptied the Chanel bag and sold it.


He followed her closely behind
into their awaiting vehicle

Luckily, Kanye, 36, was on hand to carry all the bags for his loved one, as he followed her closely behind into their awaiting vehicle. Kanye seems very fond of following her behind.

Off they go: The couple leave the story ready to finish off the rest of their Christmas shopping.
Up to the mall via the Yellow Brick Road, of course.

Yesterday, Nigella’s sister Dominic Lawson slammed any suggestion the TV chef had a bad character, saying he was ‘full of admiration’ while watching his sister in court.
Shame the Lawsons have gender ID issues as well as everything else.

The mother-of-six was jet set chic, shielding her eyes with a pair of mirrored aviator glasses and carrying a bag similar to her daughter.
Ah, so Kim K hasn’t lost all her baby weight after all?

Snowing his love for the cold: Kanye appeared to be entertaining himself as he took a walk around the park.
Amazing what you can see through the pockets of those ski pants. 

Working hard: No doubt Jennifer was thinking up great ideas for movies while lying on her back.
More likely she was thinking up urgent roles for Justin to perform.

The redheaded beauty looked stylish and elegant wearing all-black Lululemon yoga work out pants that fell all the way to the ground and covered her shoes.
Shame the elastic broke in the waistband.

Famous faces: The young man seemed to have the face of British model Twiggy and Professor Xavier from the X-Men Marvel Comics.
Wonder what his cosmetic surgeon does for a living?

Classy: Lady Victoria Hervey was seen arraigning the beach sporting a dalmatian dog costume.
Probably would have been more effective in a police officer costume.

And that’s all for now, folks, but I go on collecting these gems so there’ll be more soon. What are you favorite newspaper goofs? Please share them with us!

photo credit: hans s via photopin cc
photo credit: •●pfaff via photopin cc