How not to write picture captions, by a leading UK newspaper

HTWB twinsWithout mentioning names, one of the UK’s best loved/hated newspapers really ought to get their picture caption writers some lessons in English syntax and other literary trifles. Consider the following, hilarious, verbatim examples…

Double date: Best mates Ronnie Wood and Rod Stewart took their wife’s Sally Humphreys and Penny Lancaster out for a conjoined dinner
Now let’s get this straight: they share a wife whose Sally Humphreys and Penny Lancaster are twins conjoined at the dinner table? OK. Got it.

Awesome foursome: Rod Stewart and wife Penny step out to dinner with Ronnie Wood and Sally Humphrey’s at The Arts club on Monday evening
So interesting to know that Sally Humphrey has an “at The Arts Club.”

Best man: Ronnie Wood chose Rod Stewart as his best man for his wedding to theatre producer Sally Humphreys last year
Sorry, which one of you guys married Sally Humphreys?

The newlyweds: The rapper and his wife pose under a floral archway outside to church
Can you share with us what “churching” involves, please?

Where’s the other Sloane Rangers? Only Rosie and Caggie seemed to be on the invite list
Perhaps the other Sloane Rangers were busy taking a grammar lesson.

Close: Theodora and Georgia are the siblings of Rolling Stones legends Keith Richards and Mick Jagger
This gets interesting, especially for the proud parents of Theodora, Georgia, Keith and Mick.

Peep show: Theodora takes a peek over the rims of her sunglasses as she poses for another photo with Georgina
Fabulous, darling, only her name is Georgia.

Free man: Mr Le Vell was swept from Manchester Crown Court after being cleared of child sex charges to a hotel bar
By now some evil clown surely has been in there asking for a large paedophilia with ice, lemon and a twist.

HTWB kick 4Back in business: Beyoncé kicked off the Latin American leg of The Mrs. Carter Show in Brazil on Sunday
Doubtless Mrs Carter was not amused at being kicked off the Latin American leg of her own show.

Hanging on the telephone: Melanie Chisholm, pictured left, and Charlie Webster, pictured right, also took part in the charity event also took part in the charity event 
That’s telling ‘em that’s telling ‘em.

Ladder up: Cara Delevingne rocks ripped hold-ups to attend Rihanna for River Island’s launch event
Shame Cara couldn’t simply have used an ATM cash machine to buy her ticket to the launch event.

Find something you like? The rip appeared to have been successful, as Mila was seen leaving the store toting a plastic bag full of goods
Nothing like a quick rip to distract the cashier and make off with the goodies.

Wrapped up warm: Pixie kept herself warm in a nice long navy blue coat which she wore with a striped top and sky scrapping electric blue heels
Good for Pixie – recycling materials for her shoes rather than wasting money on Jimmy Choos.

If you’re enjoying this, check out more than 370 further hilarious articles, jokes and poems right here on HTWB

‘Burn’ singer Ellie Goulding is seen leaving the Groucho Club in London wearing a mini LBD and her hair out.
Let’s really, really hope Ellie was wearing panties at the time.

HTWB tankGetting physical: Hard-working Britney hit the gym in a white tank, mint green shorts and patriotic red, white and blue socks
Her people are currently considering quotes for rebuilding the front wall of the gym.

Towering: Jenna Elfman towered over her husband Bodhi Elfman in high heels 
Poor old Bodhi. Jenna’s taller even when he’s in his 6-inch Louboutins.

Fancy seeing you here: Made In Chelsea’s Rosie Fortescue wore a fedora hat to the show, while Donna Air opted for a pretty dress
Sensible Donna. Bet she managed to keep much warmer than Rosie, too.

Wild thing: Jo Wood looked hot to trot in leopard print trousers featuring a bumble bee print
Question: had the bumble bees begun to sting the leopard yet?

Parents of the bride: Jonathan Ashman, without Sian Lloyd, arrived to let his daughter go
His daughter must have been pleased to be let off the leash despite the weather forecast.

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