How to be SMUG: a lesson in verse

As some of you know I love writing rude poems and here is one I penned while being a SMUG old cow in Canada recently…

How to be SMUG: a lesson in verseHow to be SMUG

Putting on weight?
Pants getting tighter?
The waist getting far too snug?
Go on a diet and make yourself lighter
Eat clean, eat smart and be SMUG.

Driving a car?
A big motor cycle?
Smelly, polluting old slug?
Dump the fuel pumpers and buy a bicycle
Pedal power, pedal pure and be SMUG.

Smoke cigarettes?
Like a drink? Puff weed?
Depend on an old-fashioned drug?
Get yourself clean, get away from that need
Substance free, bored to tears, but hey, SMUG.

Like to eat meat?
Bacon butties? Rare steak?
Feasting on flesh like a mug?
Now, for your b*ggered-up arteries’ sake
Go veggie – go vegan – be SMUG.

Enjoying this? Click here for more poetry on HTWB, as well as more humour … there is plenty of both.

Feeling stressed out?
Pissed off? Don’t know how?
Brain in a bit of a fug?
Live in the moment: learn mindfulness
Be boringly mindful – but SMUG.

Fed up with suburbia?
Hate city dirt?
Feel that some trees need a hug?
Get into glamping – purchase a yurt
Take your clothes off, relax and be SMUG.

Got a lump somewhere?
Cancer maybe?
A niggling pain or a bug?
Forget about chemo or old therapy
Take snake oil, fresh air and be SMUG.

Stiff in the shoulders?
Sore in your bones?
Just want to lie on the rug?
Start saying “ohmmmm” and get into the zones
Take up yoga – Namaste – be SMUG.

Think you are out there?
Want to be cool?
Then don’t be an untrendy mug
Quit all the good stuff that still makes you drool
Be a martyr – be frugal – but SMUG.

What do you think it takes to be SMUG?

And would you like to be SMUG, anyway? I’m not sure I do. Please share your thoughts…

Enjoyed this? Click here for more poetry on HTWB, as well as more humour … there is plenty of both.

Any questions? Drop me a note on