How to, er, stay sane – by a life coach

by a Life Coach

Our intensely busy lives threaten to overwhelm us with illogical stuff that undermines our sanity.

How to stay sane by a life coach

Here are a few hints that could, er, help you deal more comfortably with everyday stuff, so reducing the load on our insanity levels and helping us to reconnect with reality.

Well, just a bit, anyway.

Life coaching hints in writing: hope they help you

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Olympic athletes: conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and letting someone else win.

Heavy smokers: don’t throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you’ll have enough to insulate your attic.

how to stay sane by a life coach

Instant designer stubble

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

Science fiction fans: create the effect of being abducted be aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You’ll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously ‘erased’.

A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps or sat navs when visiting the Sahara desert.

Convince neighbours that you have invented a ‘SHRINKING’ device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coat and parking a MAC Truck outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and replace the MAC Truck, unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning.

How to stay sane - by a life coach

Smart car: where’s the lighted sparkler?

Smart Car drivers: Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgem cars anyway, so it may as well look like one.

Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven serviced.

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock, will prevent you from hitting the snooze button, rolling over and going back to sleep.

Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you’ve been in it for a while … it isn’t so hot.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen.’

How to stay sane by a life coach

Poker: which one is the sucker?

While playing a poker game, if you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is — it’s you.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child … she said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

Have you noticed since everyone has a video app on their phone these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

How to stay sane by a life coach

In the 60’s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics are/is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I’ve come to realize it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and they say, “I wish you’d come in sooner.”

What other lifestyle hints have you found, er, useful?

Please share!


Main image – with thanks to Alpha Stock Images