This is supposed to be an actual job application that a 65-year-old man submitted to a company in the UK. Apparently they hired him because he was so funny….
NAME: Graham Price (Grumpy Graham)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will co-operate)
DESIRED POSITON: Company’s Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying in the first place – would I?
DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a politician-style redundancy package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITON HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crappy job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITON?: I may already be a winner of the Reader’s Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – no! On my breaks – yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulous blonde wealthy Swedish supermodel with big t*ts and who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?: 20 miles.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes. Absolutely.
While you’re here, don’t forget to stop by my Bookshop…books and eBooks to help you write better – and to give to friends and family…
photo credit: Jan Tik via photopin cc
Comments
Thanks for the chuckles on this one. Maybe they hired him because he was able to spell, punctuate and form a sentence :-). I roll my eyes at some of what I’m seeing today.
LOL Nanette … I think I would have hired him too, because a combination of good grammar etc. plus a sense of humor has to be worth a lot!