How to land a good job with a totally insane application…

HTWB angry funnyThis is supposed to be an actual job application that a 65-year-old man submitted to a company in the UK. Apparently they hired him because he was so funny….

NAME: Graham Price (Grumpy Graham)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will co-operate)

DESIRED POSITON: Company’s Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying in the first place – would I?

DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a politician-style redundancy package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITON HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crappy job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITON?: I may already be a winner of the Reader’s Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – no! On my breaks – yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulous blonde wealthy Swedish supermodel with big t*ts and who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?: 20 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes. Absolutely.

While you’re here, don’t forget to stop by my Bookshop…books and eBooks to help you write better – and to give to friends and family…

photo credit: Jan Tik via photopin cc

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Thoughts

  1. Thanks for the chuckles on this one. Maybe they hired him because he was able to spell, punctuate and form a sentence :-). I roll my eyes at some of what I’m seeing today.

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