How to tell if your culinary skills need more work

The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire.

Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark.

small__2719828064Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.

The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.

Those annoying pest control companies keep wanting to buy and patent your recipe for chutney.

You forget and leave a gallon of your homemade ice cream on the porch overnight during a record busting heatwave, and the next afternoon not only is it still solid, but it tastes better.

You hate rice, but you keep finding it floating around in your beef stew.

Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in the pot nine days old tastes like.

The Council requires that all your garbage bins be marked with large bright red ‘biohazard’ symbols.

You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

small__4956230334You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.

Your dog goes to the neighbor’s house to eat.

Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Immodium in bulk.

When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with the emergency services on speed-dial.

Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.

Your microwave display reads “TILT!”

Your two best recipes are meat loaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can’t tell which is which.

You’ve used three boxes of scouring pads, a container of caustic soda and a crowbar, but that macaroni and cheese still won’t let go of the pan.

You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and dissolves the silver cutlery.

Your family prays AFTER they eat.

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photo credit: Gary’ via photopin cc
photo credit: PoweriPics via photopin cc




  1. Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.. . . . . Sounds like me.