How to write a “Dear Mum and Dad” letter that works

A father entered his daughter’s bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands. (Original author unknown.)

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m telling you that I’ve eloped with my new boyfriend. I’ve found real love and he is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle.

But it’s not only that, I’m pregnant, and Chainsaw (isn’t that a cute nickname?) said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s one of my dreams.

I’ve learned that marijuana doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and his friends. They’re the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we’ll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Chainsaw gets better. He deserves it.

Don’ t worry about money. Chainsaw has arranged for me to be in films that his friends DJ and Scarface make in their basement.

Apparently I can earn £50 a scene. I get a £50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra £100 if they use the horse.

Don’t worry Mum. Now I’m 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’ll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Aimee

p.s: Dad, it’s not true. I’m watching TV at a neighbour’s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than me failing my English exam.

I love you. Aimee
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Mischieverse is Suzan St Maur's first book of naughty, humorous poetry ... coming soon from Corona Books UK.Thinking of buying some gifts for folks with a good sense of humour? Check out my latest book of hilarious and somewhat rude poems about the things that get up our noses every day … perfect to chuckle over. In print or Kindle.
Some samples here.
Buy it here.
“An amusing sideways look at anything and everything … the perfect gift.” A E Rawson, novelist.
You’ll love it.

Comments

comments

Thoughts

*

css.php