How to write a bloody awful FAQ page

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Is your FAQ page as awful as it should be?

FAQ pages are another great way to promote your business, right? Never mind what customers and prospects really would ask. This is simply a page where you can put up “questions” that you would like  your customers to ask, so feeding you the lines you need to bring out important sales points.

In phrasing these questions it’s essential that you don’t even hint at the slightest bit of negativity or any words that could suggest a less than perfect performance. And whatever you do, don’t commit yourself and your company to potential stumbling blocks like promises of service excellence, good delivery times, warranties and guarantees or anything else that might give customers a means of holding you to ransom.

Get the boss involved

S/he is a good place to start as far as answering those “questions” are concerned. S/he will want to make sure that all relevant corporate issues are covered properly, so here are some perfect questions for your supposed readers to ask:

Why did you start this company? What was your vision?

As an industry leader, what advice do you have for us customers when we hire you and your company?

How soon can we become clients / customers of yours?

Now: emphasize your company’s excellence

Needless to say you need to make sure that your “questions” open up the way for answers that flatter your standing in your industry. So consider the following:

Why is it that your product / service is the best available in our area / regionally / nationally / the whole world?

I keep hearing such good reports and comments about your product / service. Please tell me more.

What is it about your competitors that makes their product / service so inferior?

What about the technical stuff?

Anyone asking questions about the technical aspects of your product / service needs, of course, to be answered right here and now. For example…

Love your (PRODUCT)! So how do I put it together? (Make sure you tell them in detail, even though it runs to 2,000 words or more in the FAQ page answer. Whatever you do, don’t set up a technical FAQ section or page – no-one would ever want or need to access this, after all)

How do I sync your product / service with my other (APPS / SOFTWARE etc)? (Ensure you refer them to as many other sources as possible, with as much detail as possible. Try, if you can, to get your senior technical staffer to write the answer so you’re sure all the jargon is correct.)

What’s the history behind the development of SuperSpanker software? (Bound to be a very popular question, this, so make sure you answer it as fully as you can. Readers love stories – especially long ones!)

Don’t worry about illustrating the benefits of dealing with your company

After all, everyone knows you’re the best in your industry area /  locality / or whatever. What’s far more important in an FAQ page is to focus hard on the features of your product / service. For example:

How many exciting new features are there on the upgraded Star Gizmo App? (Be sure to list them all, with full technical specifications.)

What is included in the full wedding planning service you offer? (Again, list everything, right down to the chimney sweep and the lucky horseshoe. Those are the things that really matter.)

How many different types of nail extensions do you sell? (And again, list them using their full technical names. That’s far more interesting to the customer than how they make your nails look, or how each type can benefit the individual.)

And don’t be foolish enough to link to customer testimonials about your product / service. After all, no-one believes those, do they? Even if you provide names, job titles and contact details if required of those people who have given you testimonials? LOL … we all know that this is pure balderdash.

blog,writing,news,blogging,business,Suzan St Maur,howtowritebetter.net,how to write betterFinally, do not suggest that if they have further questions they should contact your company by phone or email. After all, you don’t want a bunch of unwelcome customer phone calls or emails taking up your valuable time, do you?

So there you go – the perfect bloody awful FAQ page. (And you do see some almost as bad as this…)

What are your recommendations for bloody awful FAQ pages? Please share!

 

 

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  1. Still smiling, thank you Suzan. Yes I’ve seen several like this!

    I wonder what would happen if people put real customer questions on these pages?

    • I think it would work very well, Jon – and Angelika.

      Maybe not questions that they would ask now as they are already clients of yours. But what if you both were to ask your existing clients something like “when you first heard of us / checked us out, what were the 3 (or 5) key questions about us that you wanted answers to?”

      You might well find that leads to some very useful input for the next revision of your FAQ pages.

      What do you think?

  2. Hang on, I’ll be back in a minute – just going to delete my FAQ page 😉

    Seriously, I have been pondering whether to have a FAQ page or not, but can’t think of good enough questions to add and certainly wouldn’t want the page to look like some others who obviously have read you post but didn’t see the words ‘bloody awful’!

  3. I have FAQ as part of my media kit (not up yet). Going back to look at it in light of this post that still has me smiling. Thanks1

  4. You’re very welcome Robyn – glad you found this useful as well as humorous!

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