The perfect anger management course, if you’re brave enough

One of the funniest people I know, Mitch S., shared this anger management story some years ago and even today it makes me long to try it out. How about you? Read on…

How to write an anger management course

Taking a proactive approach to anger management really works. And you need to sometimes have a little fun. It’s important.

When you’re having a really bad day, it’s probably better to take it out on someone you don’t know rather than someone you do know, don’t you think? Might save a few more marriages, eh? Think about it at least.

Anyway. Here’s an example of how it can work.

I was once sat at home when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying “Hello.” I politely said, “This is Mitch. Could I please speak with ………….?”

Suddenly a deranged voice yelled out “Get the right a*****e number next time OK!” and the slammed the phone down on me. I couldn’t believe it!! I then realised that I had accidentally got the last two digits wrong.

After making the call I’d intended to make, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. Then the same guy answered, I yelled “You’re an a*****e!” and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘a******e’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I’d had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an a******e!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘a******e’ calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID system”

He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an a******e!”

Then one day I went to the local supermarket and was getting ready to pull into a parking place when some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I leaned on the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but he ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a******e (I had his number on speed dial by this time,) I thought that I’d better call the BMW a******e too. I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”

“Yes, it is”, he said. “Can you tell me where I can see it?” I asked.

“Yes, I live at 145 Richardson Avenue in Lewisham. It’s a grey brick house and the car’s parked right outside.”

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“My name is Robert Green,” he said.

“When’s a good time to catch you in, Robert?”

“I’m home every evening after five.”

“Listen, Robert, can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“Robert, you’re an a******e!” Then I hung up. And added his number to my speed dial as well.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two a*******s to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called a******e #1.

“Hello.”

“You’re an a******e!” (But I didn’t hang up.)

“Are you still there?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Stop calling me,” he screamed.

“Make me,” I said.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“My name is Robert Green.”

“Yeah? Where do you live?”

“A******e, I live at 145 Richardson Avenue in Lewisham.”

He said, “I’m coming over right now, Robert. And you had better start saying your prayers.”

I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, a******,” and hung up.

Then I called a******e #2. “Hello?” he said.

“Hello, a******e,” I said.

He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”

“You’ll what?” I said.

“I’ll kick your head in,” he screamed.

I answered, “Well, a******e, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 145 Richardson Avenue, Lewisham and that I was on my way over there to kill my cheating lover.

Then I called BBC London News about major drug bust that was happening at 145 Richardson Avenue in Lewisham.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Lewisham.

I got there just in time to watch two a******s beating the bejasus out of each other in front of 4 police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a BBC news crew.

Taking a proactive approach to anger management really works. And you need to sometimes have a little fun. It’s important.

What is your favourite anger management course?

Please share…

And if you’d like to browse some writing improvement courses and books while you’re here, please visit our Bookshop now, … a******e.

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