Does the word ICONIC make you tick – or sick?

If you agree with me that the word “iconic” has become a weensy bit hackneyed, join me in this poetic celebration…and Happy May Day Public Holiday tomorrow, if you celebrate that!

How to write better rude poetry, iconic

Forget your brain, just say the inane – and you’re sure to become iconic.

Iconic

So many things in today’s world
Plain average, not bionic
Just get your face in a public place
And you’re instantly iconic.

If you puke and pee very publicly
And deliver that as a comic
You’re instantly viewed as somewhat lewd
And right away, iconic.

Just tell some jokes about rich folks
And share some thoughts pythonic
Hey presto! You’re no longer crap
In fact, you’re now iconic.

Sing a song that hits a few bright wits
And gets some grunts melodic
Online, in muck, who gives a f*ck
You’re instantly iconic.

Paint a picture full of worms
And say it’s ergonomic
Hang it in state at the London Tate
And bingo! You’re iconic.

Write a book that takes a look
At sewage tech bionic
You may be it in high tech sh*t
But also now, iconic.

Got some thoughts on family faults?
Must be socio-economic
As long as it slags those upper class wags
No worries. You’re iconic.

And say you’re gay and that’s OK?
Of course it is. Harmonic.
But say some stuff that’s really rough
And boom. You are iconic.

Now how about the gender shouts
Non-binary sounds exotic!
Just speak your thoughts about those faults
And you’ll soon be iconic.

Let’s not forget our own diet
And everything gastronomic
Just say you cook what folks won’t f*ck
And wow! You’ll be iconic.

So what works for all us jerks?
To give us help hedonic?
Forget your brain, just say the inane
And you’re sure to become iconic…

Excerpted from Suzan St Maur’s forthcoming book,

Michieverse: rude humour that sort of rhymes
…to be published later in 2016.

If in the meantime you’d like to browse some of Suzan’s less irreverent books, plus those of other expert HTWB contributors, please click here.

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