Want to write better? Some advice in (humorous) verse…

Fed up with reading articles on how to write better? Try a quick lesson in verse, instead … fresh from my hard-working keyboard. (And if you’d like to read some more funny poems, see here…)

funny poem about how to write better


Grammar fascists please take note now
Better not play games with me
Split infinitives then gloat how
You have got away scot-free…

Nor will stupid, foolish use of
Apostrophes in the wrong place
Get you more than my own tough love
(More likely a hard slap-ped face.)

Know the difference between “lose”
And “loose?” Congratulations.
If I catch you mixing up those
You’re forever on short rations.

And while “you’re” thinking of such bores
You’d better pay attention
It’s that for “you are,” “your” is yours
Get it wrong? You’re in detention.

“It” is yet another groaner
Fights with “s” time and again
“Its” belongs to its own owner
“It’s” … it IS. You got that plain?

Here’s a joke, though. You’ll enjoy it
“Affect’s” a verb, “effect’s” a noun
Grammar fascists seldom get it
“Effect” can be a verb too, clown…

Now let’s see what “would of happened”
Were that grammatically correct…
“Would HAVE happened” is the right end
Shame on you for grammar wrecked.

Is it “wrote,” or is it “written?”
Past particles, past tense – what’s right?
Trust me, “I have wrote’s” forbidden
FFS get those two things “write.”

And here’s a silly thing (not really)
Can the “breaks” just stop your car?
Get your spelling right, ideally
“Brakes” will save you from afar.

Writing better isn’t about
Being snotty and superior
It’s about helping you move out
From being, in a word, inferior.

Adapted from Suzan’s forthcoming title, “How To Write A Brilliant Nonfiction Book,” to be published later in 2020 by BetterBooksMedia.