Some snorty smiles for a stormy weekend (in the UK)

Most people even outside the UK and north-west Europe have heard that we are experiencing the second consecutive weekend’s worth of the most appalling storms with violent winds, and lashing rain flooding river banks, coasts and many other areas.

jokes about rain on how to write better dot net

What do you call a month’s worth of rain? England.

Given that most of us are shut indoors for the weekend I thought you might like to have a few little snickers with the following jokes and puns about foul weather…nearly SFW so you can share most of them with the kids. Enjoy.

By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it is raining in Sweden.
How the hell am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden? (one for us syntax/grammar nerds…)

What do you call a month’s worth of rain?

What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?
A weekend.

How to predict weather in Seattle:
If you can see Mt Ranier, it’s going to be a rainy. If you can’t see it, it already is. (Sorry , Seattle.)

With the weather conditions being as awful as they are, I thought I´d visit my 90 year old neighbour and ask if she needed anything from the shops.
Turns out she did, so I gave her my list too, no point in both of us going out in this weather!

Be careful who you take home tonight, you could be stuck with them for the whole weekend.

What is a Queens favorite kind of precipitation?

It’s been raining so much in Los Angeles that the Chia Pet I threw in the garbage is now blocking my entire driveway.
Jay Leno

chia pet jokes

Chia Pet

Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.

Since it started raining, all my partner has done is look sadly through the stupid window.
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let them in.

How can four people go out with only one umbrella and not get wet?
It isn’t raining.

It wasn’t raining during Trump’s inauguration.
It was just alternative sunshine

It’s been raining so hard this week I think I need an Ark.
It’s OK, I Noah guy.

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the children have to play inside.

There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.
It’s called Monday.

What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains?
The ocean

If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning?
The conductor.

jokes about stormy weather on how to write better dot net

Which orchestra member is most likely to get hit by lightning?

If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
An umbrella.

Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?
The nearest IsoBar.

What is the opposite of a cold front?
A warm back.

What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow?
Your pants are on backwards.

What’s Irish and stays outside your house all year no matter the weather?
Paddy O’Furniture.

Just asked Siri ‘surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?’
Siri replied, ‘yes it will be, and don’t call me Shirley.’

Main photo by mybibimbaplife"> on Unsplash