Funny jokes 4 Xmas: Letters to Santa

christmas jokes letters to santa

Another all time favorite for Christmas humor

Another of my all time favourite giggles at Christmastime…enjoy!

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend,
WiLLy

Dear Willy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in road sweeping. How about I get you a ****ing book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Zoe

Dear Zoe,
Your parents smoked a lot of weed when they had you, didn’t they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Jake

Dear Jake,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your ugly mom, who rides his ass constantly? It’s time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Lego instead.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Theodore

Dear Theodore,
Who names their kid “Theodore” nowadays? I bet you get bullied.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and shortbread for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Emily

Dear Emily,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer f*rt in my face when I’m riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favour? Leave me a decent bottle of Merlot.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Henry

Dear Henry,
All the toys are made in China. I have a villa in Monte Carlo where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and leering suggestively at pretty waitresses while losing money at the casino. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song?
Love,
Amelia

Dear Amelia,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m giving your house a miss.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
George

George,
The whiny begging sh*t may work with your parents, but it doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a hideous Christmas jumper again.
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Dear Santa,
I’ve written you for three years now asking for a fire engine. Please, I really really want a fire engine this year!
Love,
Harry

Dear Harry,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I’m gonna torch your house. You’ll have more fire engines than you’ll know what to do with.
Santa

photo credit: winni3 via photopin cc

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