Jokes for the business traveller – cheer up those foreign forays

Even though August is usually the vacation month in the northern hemisphere, some of us still have to travel on business. So here are some more funny jokes to help pass the long hours away from the comfort of home…

Jokes for the business traveller - cheer up those foreign forays

“Where else in the City of London can I park my car for two weeks for £15?”

Chicken dinner

A business executive was invited out to dinner by his agent in Nice, and they went to a small Italian restaurant just outside Menton near the Italian border. Not wanting to admit that he didn’t speak much French, or Italian for that matter, he ordered “poulet à la Ferrari.” It turned out to be a chicken that had been run over by a sports car.

Rich carpets

A British sales director was invited to Sunday lunch at the home of a very wealthy oil billionaire in Texas, with whom he was negotiating an important contract.  The mansion was incredibly luxurious … the carpets were so thick you couldn’t see anybody below the neck.


An eminent British businessman was asked to give an after dinner speech to a group of industrialists in Germany. Once dinner was over and coffee had been served, the German toastmaster went up to the guest speaker and said, “are you ready to speak now, or shall vee let zee guests continue to enjoy zemselves for a bit longer?”

Car parking

A businessman walked into a City (of London) bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Saudi Arabia on business for two weeks and needed to borrow £5,000. The loan officer said he bank would need some security for such a loan. The businessman then handed over the keys to a huge, brand new Mercedes that was parked in the road in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Mercedes into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the £5,000 and the interest which came to £15.41. The loan officer said, “We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow £5,000?”
The businessman replied, “where else in the City of London can I park my car for 2 weeks for £15?”


A man was on a business trip to the USA and had arranged for his wife and children to fly out to meet him down in Florida afterwards.
After several days’ work in New York he reached their hotel in Florida a day early. He decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his message was directed instead to an elderly vicar’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen.
Dearest wife:
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Really is hot down here.

What holiday?

“Tell me, Bustlethwaite,” said the managing director to his most junior member of staff, “what do you think is the main purpose of a holiday?”
“Well Mr Riley,” said the employee, “to impress upon staff members that the company can get along without them.”

Very personal assistant

An attractive young female graduate was pleased to be appointed as assistant to the sales director of a large corporation. But her middle-aged boss irritated her when, on business trips abroad, he treated her in public as if she were his girlfriend. No doubt bolstered by giving this impression, the boss continually referred to her as “darling” and “love” in front of hotel staff, taxi drivers, and the like. For some time the young graduate put up with this relatively harmless nonsense, but one evening she lost her patience and decided to give him what he had coming. As she and her boss were shown into a very smart restaurant by the headwaiter, the sales director asked her, “where would you like to sit, sweetheart?”
“Oh,” she replied, “anywhere you like, Daddy.”

Who’s he?

A woman’s husband was away on a conference at a small, exclusive hotel in the Cotswolds. A problem came up at home and the wife had to contact him urgently. She phoned the hotel and asked for him by name, with no luck. She then supplied a description of him, “middle-aged, short, balding, a little overweight, wearing a grey suit with a white shirt and red tie.”
“Sorry,” said the young lady receptionist down the phone, “but most of the delegates look like that. Can you be a bit more specific?”
“Well,” said his wife, blushing, “he does have a rather sweet little mole on his left thigh, but I don’t think….”
“Right you are,” said the receptionist. “Room 26. I’ll put you through now.”

Who’s she?

Two clergymen had travelled to Harrogate to attend a conference on pre-marital sex. In their hotel the night before, they discussed the forthcoming day’s subject with some concern, wondering how best they should approach the subject matter in the seminars.
“But what do we know about it?” said one. “I mean, I didn’t sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?”
“I’m not sure,” replied the other. “What was her maiden name?”


A salesman visiting the farthest-flung part of his territory checked into a small Bed and Breakfast – the only accommodation for miles around, and not up to the standards he was used to. As the proprietor showed him to his tiny, unwelcoming room she asked him, ”do you you have a good memory for faces, Mr Wallace?”
“Yes, why?” he asked.
“Last guest broke the shaving mirror,” she replied. “So we had to take it down.”

Criminal record

A British businessman went to Australia for the first time, due to get straight off the plane and go immediately to a very important meeting. The immigration official at Melbourne Airport was having trouble with his computer terminal and ran through the list of obligatory questions at a snail’s pace, as well as taking great pains over reading every visa and detail in the traveller’s passport. Finally, the immigration official asked the British man if he had a criminal record.
“No,” sighed the Brit. “I didn’t realise that was still a pre-requisite of entry into Australia.”

Ladies and Gentlemen

A British man was on a business trip to one of the former Eastern Bloc countries and was highly honoured when his hosts asked him to make an after dinner speech at their industry seminar.  To be polite, the British man wrote a short speech and asked someone from the local British Consulate to translate it into that country’s own language. He then learned it phonetically.
However, while he was on his way to the dinner venue he realised he had forgotten to ask the British consulate representative how one says “ladies and gentlemen.” With a sudden flash of inspiration, he spotted a public convenience in the town and tapped his driver on the shoulder, indicating that he should stop for a moment. The British businessman copied down the words for “ladies and gentlemen” and then told the driver to carry on.
After dinner he was surprised when the audience fell about laughing at his opening words, but carried on regardless. The rest of the speech went very well and the audience applauded for several minutes. However out of curiosity, he asked his host what was so funny about the opening line.
“Vell,” said the host, “it vas probably because you started off by saying Male and Female Urinals.”


As a sales promotion exercise to help boost business travel figures, Air France decided to launch a scheme whereby for just one month, businessmen travelling between Monday and Friday could take their wives with them for free.
In true contemporary fashion the Air France marketing department implemented an outcomes measurement plan by sending letters to all the wives concerned, asking them what they thought of the Air France service and the flight in overall terms. Out of all the replies received, nearly 90% of wives responded, “flight?  What flight?”

East West

In the days before Britain handed Hong Kong back to China, a handsome young businessman went to London on an extended holiday and while there met a beautiful young British girl with whom he fell madly in love. He asked her to return to Hong Kong with him as his bride, so they married swiftly at a registry office in London and flew back to Hong Kong to his luxury apartment there.
The morning after they arrived, the young man realised he had much work to catch up on at his office so slipped quietly away from their bed and departed without waking his bride. A couple of hours later, his Chinese housekeeper arrived, nudged the young British woman on the shoulder and said, “Okay, missy, up you get. Get dressed, you go home now!”

What funny stories have you encountered while on business trips?

Please share!