Jokes from the countryside, part 1

countryside,humor,funny jokes

Jokes from the countryside

If you love the countryside, this short series of jokes will give you some smiles for the day…

Bale out
Needless to say, one of the most successful inventors of all time was the man who invented the baling machine. He made a bundle.

Small tomatoes
A little boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer’s garden.  “I’ll give you my two pennies for that tomato,” said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.
“No,” said the farmer, “I get ten pence for a tomato like that one.”
The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, “Will you take two pence for that one?”
“Yes,” replied the farmer, “I’ll give you that one for two pence.”
“OK,” said the lad, finalising the deal as he put the coins in the farmer’s hand, “I’ll come back for it in about a week.”

Mind reader
At an English village fete one day a young man saw a small tent to one side, with a sign that said “For £5 I’ll teach you to be a mind reader! – Apply within.”
So the young man thought he’d give it a go, and went inside. Behind a small table inside was an old man, who looked up when the young man entered and said, “Ah, you must be here for the mind reading lesson.”
“Er, yes,” the young man said.
“Well, follow me, and I’ll give you your first lesson.”
Then the old man went out the back of the tent and came back with a hose. “Here, hold this hose,” he said.
“Why?” said the young man.
“It’s part of the lesson,” replied the old man, “Now, look in the end and tell me what you see.”
So the young man looked into the end of the hose. “I don’t see anything,” he said.
Just then the old man turned on the tap, and the hose shot water into the young man’s face.
“I just knew you’d do something like that,” the young man shouted at the old man.
“There. You’re a mind reader!” the old man replied. “That’ll be £5.”

A farmer was at a pub one day having a pint when he noticed an old friend. What really caught his attention was that this friend was wearing an earring. The farmer knew his old friend to be a fairly conservative fellow, and was intrigued by his sudden change in “fashion sense.” The farmer walked up to him and said, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a fuss, it’s only an earring,” the fellow replied sheepishly.
The farmer was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the best of him and he asked, “so, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my tractor cab,” the man replied.

The aspiring psychiatrists from various US colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor, to the student from the University of Texas, “What is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” said the UT student.
“And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from the University of Houston.
“Elation,” said she.
“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas AM, “how about the opposite of woe?
The Aggie replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”

More next week!

photo credit: __MaRiNa__ via photopin cc