Jokes from the countryside, part 2

countryside,humor,funny jokes

Jokes from the countryside

If you love the countryside these jokes will give you a good smile for the day…

Dream on
The British Agricultural College’s Head of Admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.
“I dream of making ten million pounds in farming, like my father,” the student replied.
“Your father made ten million pounds in farming?” echoed the Head, much impressed.
“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”

Some students at a college of veterinary medicine had been out celebrating the approaching end of term for several evenings in a row, and some complaints from local residents had filtered back to the powers-that-be.  As a result one of the senior lecturers decided to admonish the students and warn them of the perils of drinking alcohol.
At the beginning of his lecture he placed one worm in a glass of water, and another in a glass of whisky.  After he had delivered his stern warnings of the effects of alcoholic beverages on the human body, he then pointed to the two glasses on the lectern.  The worm in water was still wriggling about, but the worm in the whisky was lying still at the bottom of the glass, obviously dead.
“Now,” growled the senior lecturer at his students, “what conclusion do you draw from this demonstration?”
A voice at the back of the room piped up, “if your dog has worms, make him drink whisky.”

Enjoy, bitte
A well-known British lord and land owner was invited to give a lecture to a group of budding young agricultural graduates in Germany. When members of the audience were finishing off their pre-session coffee her German host came up to her and said, “vould you like to give your lecture now, or shall ve let ze audience enjoy zemselves for a bit longer?”

Animal crackers
The teacher asked, “all right children, who can tell me what a chicken gives?”
Melanie answered, “a chicken gives eggs!”
The teacher then asked, “now who can tell me what a goat gives?”
Jason answered, “a goat gives goat milk!”
Finally the teacher asked, “well now, who can tell me what the cow gives?”
And little Henry replied, “bloody homework and tests!”

Bad blood
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and established himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began nagging at him to say where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him go to sleep but they persisted, until finally he gave in.
“OK!” he said with exasperation, “follow me,” and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following closely behind him. Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep forest.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him.
“Do you see that tree over there?” he asked.
“Yes, yes, yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
“Good,” said the first bat, “Because I DIDN’T!”

More next week!