Jokes from the countryside, part 4

Countryside,humor,funny jokes

Jokes from the countryside

If you love the countryside, these funny jokes will give you a good smile for the day.

Rural landing
A man was inspecting communications facilities in northern Alberta…  Since he had little experience in flying in small planes, he was nervous when they approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While the nervous man’s heart pounded, the passenger beside him seemed calm. “I wonder why he didn’t land,” the nervous man said.
“He was checking to see if the landing strip was ploughed,” the other passenger said.
As they made a second approach, the nervous man glanced out the window. “It looks ploughed to me,” he commented.
“No,” his seatmate said.  “It hasn’t been cleared for some time.”
“How can you tell?”
“Because,” the man informed him, “I’m the guy who drives the snow plough.”

Gossips anonymous
Mabel was the typical English village gossip and self-appointed guardian of the village’s morals. Not surprisingly, she kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.
Most local folk thought she was an interfering nuisance, but feared her that much that they were careful of how they treated her. However, Brian – a strong-minded local farmer – wasn’t having any of Mabel’s nonsense.
After having observed Brian’s tractor stopped outside the village pub all one afternoon, Mabel loudly proclaimed Brian to be an alcoholic.
On hearing this, Brian waited until dark, then parked his tractor outside Mabel’s house – and left it there all night.

Alligator bait
This fellow in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn’t been there for a while and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man replied, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators.”

Solo soul
A tourist driving through Arkansas passed a young man walking along wearing only one shoe.
The tourist stopped his car and asked the boy, “Hey son, did you lose a shoe?”
“Nope,” the boy replied. “Found one.”

Two men were approaching each other in the street, and each noticed that the other was limping badly.  As they drew level with one another, the first man said, “what happened to you?”
“Falkland Islands, 1981.  You?”
“Cowpat, 10 minutes ago.”

Service charges
A young farm girl in Nebraska answered the door. An older neighbour was there. “My father isn’t home,” she said, “but I can help you. You want our bull to service your cow. Well, my father charges one hundred dollars for his best bull.”
“That’s not what I want,” the neighbour said.
“We have a young bull who is just starting out. My father charges fifty dollars for him.”
“That’s not what I want, either.”
“We have an old bull out in the pasture,” the girl tried again. “He can still do the job and my father charges only ten dollars for him.”
“That’s not what I want,” the neighbour said. “I came here to see your father about your brother Elmer. Elmer made my daughter pregnant.”
“Oh,” the girl replied. “You’ll have to see my father about that. I don’t know what he charges for Elmer.”

That’s it for now!

If you’d like to read some more countryside jokes, please say so in the comments…