Jokes in writing pot pourri 1

Given the sadness and tension we’re living with in the northern hemisphere right now, here are a few funny jokes in writing … to cheer us up.

What is that noise? A hello-copper, answered the whispering voice.

The boss of a big company who needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computer systems, dialled the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child’s whisper…
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I  talk with him please?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
“Is your mommy there?”
“May I talk with her please?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “some policemen.”
Wondering what police would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with one of the policemen please?”
“No, they’re busy,” whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to daddy and mommy and the firemen,” came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A hello-copper,” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper.”
Now very concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

Blind man
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while,  the  two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked.
In the middle of the project, there’s  a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
“Nice b**bs,” says the man. “Where do you want the blinds?”

Digital gooseberry bush
Child: “Daddy, how was I born?”
Dad: “Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mum and I first got together on Facebook. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mum and we met at a free WiFi Starbucks. We sneaked into a private room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said:
“You’ve Got Male!”

Drinking and driving
From the state where drinking and driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Louisiana.
A routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar noticed an intoxicated man leaving the establishment late in the evening.
The man was so drunk that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car, which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flashers on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.
At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all.
Dumbfounded, the officer said “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” said the man. “Tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”

Please share your favourite smile of the week!

PS … if you’re looking for a cool, inexpensive little gift for the horse-loving folks in your life, how about one of these? Available on all the Amazons. Click on the images to go to…

The Horse Lover's Joke Book by Suzan St Maur

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The Pony Lover's Joke Book by Suzan St Maur

The sequel to The Horse Lover’s Joke Book – all about ponies, but the jokes are for the whole family (especially those long suffering parents…)