What dating site descriptions REALLY mean

If you’ve ever looked through the dating ads on one “lonely hearts” site or another, you may well have come up against some of these terms.

Here’s what they really mean, according to one (sadly so far) unknown original author – real meanings are shown in brackets and some of them have been enhanced by moi.


40-ish (49, plus a few)

Adventurer (slept with all your friends)

Athletic (skinny, no boobs)

Average looking (has a face like a Shar Pei)

Beautiful (pathological liar)

Contagious smile (does a lot of illegal drugs)

Educated (slept with her Political Science professor)

Emotionally secure (medicated)

Feminist (fat ball buster)

Free spirit (junkie)

Friendship first (trying to live down reputation as a slut)

Fun (annoying)

Gentle (comatose)

Good Listener (borderline autistic)

New Age (all body hair at full length, no deodorants)

Old-fashioned (lights out, missionary position only)

Open-minded (desperate)

Outgoing (loud and embarrassing)

Passionate (sloppy when drunk)

Poet (depressive schizophrenic)

Professional (certified bitch)

Redhead (bad dye job)

Rubenesque (obese)

Romantic (looks much better by candle light)

Sociable (has been passed around like tray of canapés)

Voluptuous (clinically obese)

Wants soul mate (stalker)

Widow (drove first husband to shoot himself)

Young at heart (old trout)


40-ish ( 52 and looking for 25-yr-old)

Athletic (watches a lot of football)

Average looking (unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back)

Educated (patronizing bore)

Free spirit (sleeping with your sister)

Free thinker (sleeping with your brother)

Freedom loving (sleeping with your sister and your brother)

Friendship first (as long as friendship involves nookie)

Fun (can work remote and a six pack of beer simultaneously)

Good looking (arrogant)

Very good looking (narcissistic dimwit)

Honest (pathological liar)

Huggable (overweight with more body hair than a gorilla)

Likes to cuddle (insecure Mummy’s boy)

Mature (older than your father)

Open-minded (wants to sleep with your flatmate but she’s not interested)

Physically fit (works a remote control single-handedly)

Poet (once wrote ex-girlfriend’s phone number on a public toilet wall)

Sensitive (cries at chick flicks)

Very sensitive (bi-sexual)

Spiritual (got laid in a cemetery once)

Stable (arrested for stalking, but not convicted)

Thoughtful (says “excuse me” when he farts)

Any further thoughts on / additions to these lists?

Now, say what you  really mean

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  1. Hey, looks just like my profile!

  2. I think i’ve met most of those men…

  3. LOL @ Nikki…I think I have, too…