20 more classic Bob Hope quotes

If you’re old enough to remember Bob Hope, you’ll love this second collection of his quotes (my first has had more than 26,000 page views). And even if you’re younger you’ll have heard of this brilliant humorist’s wit and hilarity – not to mention his charity work and support of Allied Forces during WWII, and US Forces during other periods of conflict.

Funny jokes by Bob Hope

The late Bob Hope

With thanks to Brainy.com, A-Z Quotes, Great QuotesJokes4Us and other sites from which I made this selection.

More hilarious quotes from Bob Hope

The program is nearly over! I can feel the audience is still with me but if I run faster I can shake them off

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.More classics from Bob HopeIf you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.

Bob Hope jokes

You’ve got to be rich to have a swing like that.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.

I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

They’ll always be an England, even if it’s in Hollywood.

What is your favorite Bob Hope quote?

Please share!


Photo of Bob Hope courtesy of Allan Warren.