More of those glorious (clean) insults

Many thanks to my good friend Laurence H for sending me another list of truly bitchy insults attributed to famous, well, insulters…

…By the wonderful, (sadly) late Norman Thelwell…see below for details.

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill 

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”  Clarence Darrow 

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas 

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain 

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde 

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”  Stephen Bishop 

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright 

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb 

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson 

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating 

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”  – Charles, Count Talleyrand 

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker 

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain 

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West 

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde 

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912) 

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder 

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

Now, craft your own glorious (clean) insults:

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Cartoon © 1957 The Estate of Norman Thelwell. Reproduced by permission of Momentum Licensing from Thelwell’s Pony Cavalcade (Methuen). See for more information about Thelwell, his cartoons, books and other products, from greetings cards to mugs and models. A new range of Thelwell hoodies and t-shirts was due to be launched in February 2012.




  1. I am not sure which one made me laugh most. Probably ‘the ear for music’

  2. At least, these were witty and well written. Insults nowadays lack creativity! lol

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