More travellers’ trials – funny jokes to cheer up the travel blues

Off on your summer (northern hemisphere) travels soon in search of refreshment and relaxation?

More travellers' trials - funny jokes to cheer up the travel blues

Off on your hols? This may cheer you up…

The following anecdotes might make you feel you would have been better off staying at home…LOL…

**A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so.
He said, “I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing ‘Shell’ sign. And somebody was standing in front of the ‘S’!”

**Fishing season hasn’t opened and a fisherman who doesn’t have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks, “Any luck?”
“Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday,” he boasts.
“Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?” asks the stranger.
“Nope.”
“Well, meet the new game warden.”
“Oh,” gulped the fisherman.  “Well, do you know who I am?”
“Nope.”
“Meet the biggest liar in the state.”

**A funny story circulated recently about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes. Doyle evidently told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”
Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.
“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained: “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand
where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a
writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”
“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”
“There is one other thing,” the driver said.
“What is that?”
“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”

**One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. “Good morning,” a young man said sheepishly.  “This is your wake-up call.”
Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. “You were supposed to call me at 6!: I complained. “What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss
out on it?”
“Well, sir,” the desk clerk quickly replied, “if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn’t be staying in this motel.”

**An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick.
Included in the price was a certificate of the skull’s authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself.
Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains.
“I’ve got the very thing for you,” said the Irishman. “It’s the genuine skull of Saint Patrick”.
“You swindler,” said the American. “You sold me that ten years ago,” and, producing the skull, added, “Look, they’re not even the same size”.
“You have it all wrong,” said the Irishman. “This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad”.

**An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

***Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a bet. “Let’s say we bet $50.”
Amanpreet agrees and they’re off.
They do a great game. After the 8th hold, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he said to Jon.
After a few minutes, neither have any luck and as a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground.
“I’ve found my ball!!!” he announces.
Jon looks at him.  “After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together, you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?”
“What do you mean, cheat?  I found my ball sitting right there!”
“And you’re a liar, too!” Jon said. “I have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”

Have a great holiday / vacation anyway …

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