National Grammar Day – celebrate with goofs from the UK Daily Fail

In honour of (USA) National Grammar Day tomorrow (March 4th, 2017) let’s celebrate with the pick of my entire collection of hilariously wrong quotes from that newspaper we all love to hate. (Who said the Grammar Police don’t have a sense of humor?)

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And please note, the quotes in bold below are verbatim. My own comments follow in italics.

**Bling: Kim posted this image of the £3.5m ring that was stolen on Instagram before the robbery. I thought the ring was stolen during the robbery – anyway, you were lucky to catch it all on Instagram.

**Rumours the human rights lawyer, 38, is expecting a boy and a girl as she attends Davos. Hope there’s a good maternity unit in Davos.

**The busy mum-of-three teased at her taut stomach in the midst of the veering neckline that highlighted her perfectly manicured feet and hands
Some neckline. Was there any clothing to go with it?

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…the turkey is served. But was Christmas?

**Kate and William will leave Sandringham before Christmas the turkey is served
Glad you served the turkey anyway.

**The festive snap comes after The Snatch director was granted to let his teenager son with his ex-wife popstar Madonna live in London with him after a nine month dispute in September.
These megastars really do pack a lot into one month. WTG.

**On Friday Nicole took to Instagram to share a picture of a delicious-looking meal she had cooked with her fans
Lucky girl to have so much help with the cooking.

**She was accompanied by a sunglasses-wearing pianist who hammered out the bluesy arrangement at a white baby grand, as well as by a chorus.
Were the pianist and chorus always such violent types?

**Swaying seductively for the shot, the camera skimmed over her toned figure…
Haven’t you fired that awful cameraman yet?

**Michelle Wright, 56, from Beulah, near Newcastle Emlyn, West Wales, pictured, has spent three years rebuilding her home after it was blown up in a gas explosion while on holiday on Crete in September 2013.
That’ll teach it to go on holiday on Crete.    

**Just last month Hillary was still delivering her famously polished look while boarding her campaign plane to Miami, which has since slipped
Hold on. Was it the campaign plane that slipped, or Miami? I hope someone informed the FAA / Miami City Hall.

**Police confirmed two cars were burned in an arson attack in Flint, north Wales, on Wednesday – belonging to Miss Rhys-Jones’ aunt Annabella Williams, 55, while petrol was poured through her other aunt Jane Burns, also in Flint.
Aunt Jane must have an alimentary tract like the Trans-Alaska Pipeline System.

**Strictly pro Janette Manrara were spotted leaving with a number of pieces of luggage in an all black ensemble
Couldn’t have done the all black ensemble much good to be stuffed with a number of pieces of luggage. 

HTWB cat in wig

The Spanish actress is rarely seen without a hair in place on the red carpet.

**Stunning: The Spanish actress is rarely seen without a hair in place on the red carpet
Possibly that’s because most of her hair is on her head.

**Beaming: A smiling Zoe didn’t reference the fact her marriage had broken down during the 30 minute show
Must have been hard to ignore it though, even for 30 minutes.

**But after tying the knot, Sir Paul’s daughters looked decidedly glum. A lot depends on who they all married, of course.

**Brooklyn Beckham took to Instagram on Friday to shoot himself in mirrored Aviators from his mother Victoria Beckham’s fashion range. I hope Mom’s Aviators are bullet-proof.

**Holliday Grainger wore a slick trouser suit with nude sandals with her sunglasses. Her sandals must have been glad to get out of the sun.

**What a hoot! Jacqueline threw her head back in laughter as Dan entertained her in front of the cameras
It’s lucky we can’t see where his hands are.

**Earlier in the day William shared a joke with his father Prince Charles while on a visit to London zoo to launch a new conversation project.
Were they conversing with the parrots or the hyenas?

**Wrapped up warm: Cressida made her way to the carol concert on a warm sheepskin coat on the arm of a male friend.
Whatever turns you on, furry.

HTWB Kourtney Kardashian

Kourtney wasn’t filming the day out…

**Where’s the TV cameras? Surprisingly it was a day off from filming her reality show and it appeared Kourtney wasn’t filming the day out for her Kardashians reality show.
We got it the first time, pea-brain.

**August: Osage County: Julia and Meryl play a mother and daughter who frequently clash in their latest movie.
They should give up movies: problem solved.

**’I regret not having more children’: Barbara Walters tears up as she reveals the one thing she would have done differently during emotional interview.
That’s OK Barbara, we wouldn’t want to watch you give birth on TV anyway.

For an embarrassingly large, further collection of hilarious Daily Fail grammar goofs, click right here on #HTWB

**Dressed all in black and clutching her Chanel handbag, members of her entourage where ready to assist the reality star on her way back home.
After which, presumably, her entourage emptied the Chanel bag and sold it.

**The mother-of-six was jet set chic, shielding her eyes with a pair of mirrored aviator glasses and carrying a bag similar to her daughter.
Ah, so Kim K hasn’t lost all her baby weight after all?

**The redheaded beauty looked stylish and elegant wearing all-black Lululemon yoga work out pants that fell all the way to the ground and covered her shoes.
Shame the elastic broke in the waistband.

**To be expected: It is no wonder the daughter of rock royalty Ozzie and Sharon Osbourne picked the piano to be removed, as the former reality has revealed she does not remember why she got it
Tip: avoid trying to write captions when you’re gonzoed on weed.

**Evergreen: The four-time Golden Globe nominee, 41, smiled pretty as she toted her iced tea in her Ugg boots
Yuk. Must have ruined the furry linings.

**Relaxing: Denise Welch enjoyed a relaxing by the pool in Los Angeles with a book called Willie On The Wing in an 80s-inspired bikini
So what did that naughty cross-dressing willie get up to, then, Denise?

**Elegant: Sharon Osbourne wore an embroidered black-and-white jacket with husband Ozzy Osbourne
He wouldn’t have been seen dead sharing that jacket with her in Black Sabbath days.

**Signature touch: Khloe signed copies of the Lipsy catalogue containing the Kardashian Kollection for adoring fans
What do less-than-adoring fans get to wear?

HTWB Lady Gaga

The singer gave the audience more Gaga for their buck.

**Opening with a bang: The star is, of course, not one to do be like those who have hosted before her, so the singer gave the audience more Gaga for their buck singing her opening monologue
You caption writers have been on the weed again, haven’t you.

**Turn back time: Here’s Natalie when she was just 16 years old on the square
And practising to be a Freemason, we assume.

**Runs in the family: Newborn Arabella is the spitting image of her new baby brother (pictured), who was born in New York on Monday evening. Aha, OK. Are they twins? I thought Arabella was two. And I’d recommend Imodium for those runs.

**Fashionable friends: Demi caught up with stylish pal and reality star Rachel Zoe as the VIP dinner. I know Demi has her moments but I’m shocked that she has taken up cannibalism.

**Strutting: The Pour It Up singer marched about the stage throwing up signs here and there. Someone mentioned she had been eating no-parking signs outside earlier. Shame they didn’t agree with her.

**Tantrum totty: Amber Heard, seen with her actor boyfriend Johnny Depp, allegedly blew up on the set of thriller London fields over a group of onlookers. Seems they found bits of her as far away as Romford to the east and Hounslow to the west.

**Princess Marie of Denmark, Prince Joachim of Denmark and Princess Athena of Denmark attend the christening of Princess Athena of Denmark on May 20, 2012 in Tonder, Denmark. So pleased Princess Athena could make it to her own christening. And what was that country again?

**Victoria Beckham attended the Royal Wedding with husband David wearing a trapeze design of her own and Christian Louboutin shoes. Naughty David. Victoria really should stop him dressing up in her clothes.

**Line of succession: The Queen is flanked by William holding George and Charles. The first time a British monarch has been pictured with three heirs since Queen Victoria. He’s a strong lad, that William. George is pretty light but Daddy must weigh a fair bit.


…wore her new hair extensions down.

**Glowing: She showed off her perfect skin as she slicked on some pink lipgloss and wore her new hair extensions down. Hair extensions don’t last forever, you know. Especially as you breakdance on your head.

**Getting it Out there: Josh Hutcherson reveals that although he thinks he’s straight he finds a lot of men attractive and is open to dating them in the November issue of Out magazine. I can think of larger, more comfortable places for a date.

**A grainy image taken from Lewthwaite’s computer shows a man holding a baby, believed to be her youngest daughter Surajah, which could be the child’s father. Considering that this is a caption relating to the “white widow” connected to the Nairobi atrocity amongst others, you’d think we could have gotten this nonsense straight? Maybe?

For lots more humorous articles, poetry and jokes, click right here on #HTWB

**Double date: Best mates Ronnie Wood and Rod Stewart took their wife’s Sally Humphreys and Penny Lancaster out for a conjoined dinner
Now let’s get this straight: they share a wife whose Sally Humphreys and Penny Lancaster are twins conjoined at the dinner table? OK. Got it.

**Where’s the other Sloane Rangers? Only Rosie and Caggie seemed to be on the invite list
Perhaps the other Sloane Rangers were busy taking a grammar lesson.

**Close: Theodora and Georgia are the siblings of Rolling Stones legends Keith Richards and Mick Jagger
This gets interesting, especially for the proud parents of Theodora, Georgia, Keith and Mick.

**Free man: Mr Le Vell was swept from Manchester Crown Court after being cleared of child sex charges to a hotel bar
By now some evil clown surely has been in there asking for a large paedophilia with ice, lemon and a twist.

**’Burn’ singer Ellie Goulding is seen leaving the Groucho Club in London wearing a mini LBD and her hair out.
Let’s really, really hope Ellie was wearing panties at the time.

Happy National Grammar Day!

And please share your favorite grammar goofs with us here…

HTWB National Grammar Day