Nursery rhymes revisited (adult versions)

Congratulations to the unknown poet or poets who came up with these adult nursery rhymes – enjoy.

 

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

 

MARY HAD A LITTLE PIG

She kept it fat and plastered.

And when the price of pork went up

She shot the little b*stard.

 

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

 

LITTLE MISS MUFFET sat on a tuffet,

Her clothes all tattered and torn.

It wasn’t the spider that crept up beside her,

But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

 

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,

“What have you got there?”

Said the Pie man unto Simon,

“Pies, you idiot!”

 

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings’ horses,

And all the kings’ men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

 

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun

Then died of electric shock.

 

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too ’cause he was gay.

 

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL  who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad…….

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car

Now, some family-friendly writing help!

“Super Speeches”…how to write and deliver them well

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

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