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Déjà vu jokes … plus a few more, 2019

Updated and republished July 13th, 2019: Déjà Vu for You Too? Some updated smiles for you …

Thanks to Nigel Jamie Bangs who originally shared this gag on my Facebook group, The Joke Street Journal (please join if you want some good laughs.) The original thought was this: Deja poo jokesAnd that got me thinking. So I started writing…..and writing…..and writing……and I came up with the following. Now in July 2019 I have come up with a few more. But … let’s get you thinking of even more!

Déjà Boo:  Boring people with ghost stories when it isn’t Halloween

Déjà Blue: Long-standing UK Conservative / US Democrat voter [Read more…]

Favourite Brexit and Trump jokes written for the long weekend

Amazingly today is yet another public holiday (May 27th 2019) amounting to at least three in the countries that I know of. ( UK: Easter, May Day and this one, plus a few as shown below. All within a few weeks of each other.)

In the UK it’s the “Spring Bank Holiday

This sort-of combines with the Christian event of Whitsun and also heralds the beginning of England’s school “half-term” holiday that includes yet another statutory Monday off, which is why schools use it in order to accept children missing four days of school when it might have been five…shame, kids. (This p*sses teachers off, too.) The actual date of the religious event of Whitsun / Pentecost is on June 9th this year but hey, never mind.

Image of Theresa May

“Brexit is (like) having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.” – Matt Abbott

“Memorial Day” in the USA This is a federal holiday in the United States for remembering and honoring people who have died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. Hats off to all you guys and gals but I’m not sure I’d want to remember your ultimate sacrifice with a BBQ. Whatever.

“Victoria Day” in Canada
We Canadians are probably the last of the British Commonwealth “Mohicans” to celebrate the birth of Britain’s Queen Victoria. Yes, we are a little slow in updating ourselves but we are working on it. Happy birthday, our Vic.

Never mind: let’s have a few laughs…Brexit first:

[Read more…]

Ridiculous Easter jokes revisited again – with a twist this time

It’s time for Easter jokes and here are our old favourites once again, but this year I’ve updated my comments to reflect current issues, climates and other thorns in our side and added some new and intriguing thoughts.

Humorous Easter Eggs on How To Write Better

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke? It might crack up. (Or poach the joke.)

(If nothing else your kids will love them, and they’ll be able to explain them to you. Well, maybe not those about Donald Duckrump.)

Here we go…

Writing jokes about Easter: enjoy…

A white rooster was strutting around the henhouse on Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every colour of the rainbow. He took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the living daylights out of the resident peacock. (Explain that one, or if you don’t understand it ask a bright 8-year-old.)

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an over-stressed person?
An Easter basket case! (Plenty of those in the White House these days. One in particular.)

How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
EGG-xercise and HARE-robics! (Hares and rabbits are two entirely different animals, but never mind.) [Read more…]

How to write speeches for a same-sex wedding

Having written quite a lot about speeches for almost everyone in “conventional” weddings, I have been asked many times for some tips on writing speeches for same-sex weddings.

wedding speeches at same-sex weddings

If you are making a speech at a same-sex wedding the most important homework you can do is to research your audience very carefully

At first glance that may seem a reasonable question. But having attended a number of same-sex weddings as well as bi-sex weddings, I find that one fact springs up at me time and time again, like the handle of a rake I just stepped on.

That is, what the hell difference is there? Weddings are about two people who love each other who want to formalise their relationship and share that with their families and friends. End of. Did I miss something here?

Anyway still, in some social circles, we’re expected to regard same-sex weddings as, er, different … until such time as everyone gets on with the fact that they’re not. It’s true to say that such things are changed for the better via evolution, not revolution. [Read more…]

Horsey jokes you’ll love, because you need a sense of humour…

Do you love, hate, or tolerate horses? Know someone else who loves them? Whatever your feelings you may as well laugh … and here are some useful opportunities.

The following is a sneak preview of one of my favourite jokes in my forthcoming book, 500 horse laughs for humans … to be published later this year with illustrations by the one and only Roger Penwill whose work is truly superb.

Jokes about horsesIt’s the sequel to my iconic, lovely, popular title The Horse Lover’s Joke Book which has sold nearly into the 6 figures ( a lot for a niche book) and continues to make horsey families laugh even 18 years after it was published.

Today, in the aftermath of International Women’s Day, here is some advice for young women making that tricky choice between their horse, and their boyfriend…

Why horses are better than boyfriends

[Read more…]

Valentine’s Day jokes and poems to make your day go with a, er, bang

A few years ago I curated some amusing Valentine’s Day (rude in places) content, and wrote quite a lot of new content in its honour.

Updated humour about Valentines Day on HTWBIf you should find yourself not quite in the gooey-eyed, romantic mood you should be in, say “to hell with it” and have some laughs. Here’s that content again…

Valentine’s Day rhyming couplets

Romantic first lines, not-so-romantic second lines

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was p*ssed

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you would hide your face. [Read more…]

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