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Writing about Notre Dame – now that the fire’s out

If you were affected by the fire in Paris’s Notre Dame Cathedral earlier this week, you might find this poem (not humorous this time) interesting as it looks at some of the controversy that now surrounds the whole repair issue.

Poem about Notre Dame Cathedral

Notre Dame’s religion hurts.

Notre Dame:
Now that the fire’s out,
have we lit another one – or more?

Notre Dame, you icon, you
So many centuries now burned
History can’t know what to do
Now the flames have left you spurned.

Didn’t take long for the trolls
To smear and slag you off that day
Just minutes while your carcass falls
While modern bitterness held sway. [Read more…]

Latest: Writing Newz from Suze

Some quick reminders, and announcements, of what’s awaiting you here on HTWB plus a few other snippets you might enjoy…

Newz from Suze onm HTWBAre you due to give a wedding speech this season?

Have no fear – you’re OK here. (And it rhymes: WTG!) For now check out this category on HTWB and watch out for a brand new book that’s just for you, no matter who you are in the wedding heirarchy. Traditional roles are OK but there are new ones too, and pretty well everyone is covered on this site (and in the book.)

And here’s a freebie you won’t want to miss … [Read more…]

Horsey jokes you’ll love, because you need a sense of humour…

Do you love, hate, or tolerate horses? Know someone else who loves them? Whatever your feelings you may as well laugh … and here are some useful opportunities.

The following is a sneak preview of one of my favourite jokes in my forthcoming book, 500 horse laughs for humans … to be published later this year with illustrations by the one and only Roger Penwill whose work is truly superb.

Jokes about horsesIt’s the sequel to my iconic, lovely, popular title The Horse Lover’s Joke Book which has sold nearly into the 6 figures ( a lot for a niche book) and continues to make horsey families laugh even 18 years after it was published.

Today, in the aftermath of International Women’s Day, here is some advice for young women making that tricky choice between their horse, and their boyfriend…

Why horses are better than boyfriends

[Read more…]

Valentine’s Day jokes and poems to make your day go with a, er, bang

A few years ago I curated some amusing Valentine’s Day (rude in places) content, and wrote quite a lot of new content in its honour.

Updated humour about Valentines Day on HTWBIf you should find yourself not quite in the gooey-eyed, romantic mood you should be in, say “to hell with it” and have some laughs. Here’s that content again…

Valentine’s Day rhyming couplets

Romantic first lines, not-so-romantic second lines

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was p*ssed

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you would hide your face. [Read more…]

Apostrophes: a potty-mouthed poem about their misuse

This is pretty horrible, but should wake up apostrophe abusers a lot more than the weedy articles we see politely explaining how to use the poor little things.

how to suse apostrophes

Do not fool with this small tool…

Apostrophe fascists around the (English speaking) world take note: share the following poem if you dare. Your readers may find it offensive but with luck it will get the message over.

A Poem For Apostrophe Dickheads

[Read more…]

Halloween special: a whole horror story from this amazing new book

Wednesday is Halloween and if you are anywhere near west Northamptonshire (England) and want to share some spine-creeping stories in one of the spookiest locations you’ve ever seen the night before, on Oct 30th, read on. And if you’re thousands of miles away but love the horror genre, take a long hard look at this book. Details here.

The Second Corona Book of Horror StoriesTo give you a flavour of the event – and the anthology – here follows my own story contribution in its gory entirety. As if only to make things even more horrifying I will actually be at this event and will be reading the story to the audience…

Whatever you’re doing, have an utterly gruesome Halloween. Enjoy.

Upside Down

by Suzan St Maur

Silence.

Then a few creaking sounds.

Then some mooing. Eldred opened his eyes, but saw no cows. [Read more…]

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