Search Results for: grammar

Valentines Day love from the Grammar Police

You can’t say we don’t celebrate romance here on #HTWB … even the Grammar Police have, er, something to say about Valentine’s Day. If you want an alternative to the schmaltzy goo that permeates February 14th, you’re in the right place. Enjoy.

HTWB Valentines Day humor

Take my heart its yours on a plate. Keep it till you learn how to punctuate.


Roses are red, violets are blue
That’s just a cliché. Don’t like it? Go scr*w.

Violets is blue, roses is red,
Get noun/verbs together, you puerile d*ckhead.

And roses are red while violets are blue
Don’t start with conjunctions, they’re strictly taboo. [Read more…]

Grammar goofs: classic syntax attacks by the UK Daily Fail

A quick glance at the UK’s Daily Fail – especially on weekends when they leave the cleaners to write the stories – shows you just how ridiculous you look when you get the noun-verb relationships and other syntax wrong.

HTWB Kenny

“The Keeping Up With The Kardashians star also shared another video clip while walking with her boyfriend Tyga, 27, in the gold one-piece bathing suit.” Tyga, your choice of swimwear is beginning to worry me.

Do you ever do this? Of course not…but just in case you might miss the odd goof, the following will ensure that you never make a tw*t of yourself as these Daily Fail writers do…

The latest grammar goofs from one of the UK’s most “popular” newspapers

Bling: Kim posted this image of the £3.5m ring that was stolen on Instagram before the robbery. I thought the ring was stolen during the robbery? [Read more…]

Essential, er, grammar rules

These grammar “rules” have been around on the internet for a while now and I don’t think anyone knows who thought them up originally. However if it was you, please let me know and I’ll give you an appropriate credit!

In the meantime, enjoy and share….

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. [Read more…]

Grammar Police: 20 New Year’s Resolutions…

Here is sneak preview of my New Year’s resolutions for 2017. Do you agree with them? Or am I being too strict a Grammar Police officer?

Grammar Police New Year's resolutions on How To Write Better
1. I will not split another infinitive no matter how hard it is to really do it.

2. I will not use ridiculous, contrived words like “conversate” or “expiration” (what’s wrong with “converse” and “expiry” FFS?) [Read more…]

Laughing WITH – not AT – National Grammar Day, USA

Although we in the non-USA regions of the English-speaking world may be festering in our glottal-stops and other abuse of the English language, today – March 4th – is National Grammar Day in the USA. Now before English-traditionalist Brits start throwing the toys out of their prams, remember that whether Brits like it or not the Yanks have kinda commandeered English to use for themselves.

Laughing WITH - not AT - National Grammar Day, USA

And it really is time you took another look at the lunacy of the Boston Tea Party and got over it, while we Canadians sit on our snowbanks and smirk while freezing off various parts of our lower bodies…

[Read more…]

Happy New Year – here are your grammar resolutions for 2016

Much as the average 12-year-old web wizard couldn’t give a tupenny f*** about grammar and punctuation, those of us who are marginally older and more prone to verbal dignity need to make sure we don’t upset the Grammar Nazis who lurk amongst our client/customer and prospect bases. And Heaven forbid, you don’t want to start off the New Year making grammar boo-boos, do you?

HTWB New Year 2016So here are the grammar resolutions you need to take seriously in 2016. [Read more…]