Poetry in (pro)motion – Business Speak immortalised in verse

Here in leafy Milton Keynes, England, we not only have our own Poet Laureate, but also another hugely popular performance poet by the name of Steve Crawford. Steve makes my idea of multi-tasking look like a quiet nap in the sunshine…

To quote his Amazon page he has been a … ” Photographer, Door-to-Door Vacuum Cleaner Salesman, Retail Manager, Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, Shop Owner, IT Consultant, TV Director, Song Writer, Project Manager, Games Designer, Lead Creative Designer, Wedding Videographer, Project Leader, TV Cameraman, Film Director, Producer, Writer, Musician, Antique Dealer, Craftsman, Businessman… and now Poet.”

Poetry in (pro)motion - Business Speak immortalised in versePoetry

Steve Crawford, performance poet and multi-careerist extraordinaire

What all those amazing activities have done for Steve, apart from earning him a varied and colourful living, is to give him insight into a vast range of business and social environments which have provided him with inspiration for insightful, shrewd, clever and often very funny poems which he performs around the UK at arts festivals and other creative events.

Here is one of them, on the ridiculousness of business jargon … Business Speak, or lovingly nicknamed “BS.” Of course. 

Business Speak (or Let’s All Give 110% Guys!)

Are we all singing from the same hymn sheet,
maximising the potential we’ve got?
Do we compete in today’s global market?
The elephant in the room says we’re not.

So come on let’s hit the ground running,
we don’t want to drop the ball now.
You know it’s a win win situation,
if we all try to milk the cash cow.

If we can attempt to manage expectations,
and bring on our A-game this time,
we can apply the 80-20 rule,
and answer all major questions off-line.

So let’s run it up the flagpole again…
Are we going from good to great team?
What we need to be is client-centric,
I’m sure you can grasp what I mean.

Give me a ballpark figure,
This has legs and can really go far,
It will push us up the value chain,
and pay dividends as we all raise the bar.

We’ve optimised our supply-chain,
and integrated our liquid assets.
It’s a value-added proposition now,
a stratagem, with additional facets.

I’ve run it past the people upstairs,
and they’ve rubber stamped the plan.
Now all we need to do is consolidate,
all the strategic benchmarks we can.

It’s a market-driven solution,
handed down by the powers that be.
So let’s be proactive here people…
The bottom line is as high as can be.

Let’s take it to the next level,
What we need is a paradigm shift.
We need to move on this quickly,
to give our brand image a lift.

So let’s draw a line in the sand now,
and reach for the low-hanging fruit.
I’m saying push the envelope as we evolve,
strive for excellence, as we recruit.

For are we not the best of breed?
Did we not put a stake in the ground?
Our core competency is off the radar,
It resonates with success we have found.

Let’s have some blue sky thinking guys.
Can you see clear blue water today?
If we can now just square that circle,
our key deliverables should be OK.

A sea change in our best practices,
will mean that we’re fully financed.
At the end of the day, it is what it is,
but our ethos and profile are enhanced.

Do we need to cast a wider net?
Will it improve our ROI?
Is it impactful, and actionable?
Is there a synergy we can apply?

I do love a good business cliché,
even when it’s been over used.
It brings a lot of value to the table,
to leverage spotting language abused.

It means we can play meeting bingo,
to pass time when BS abounds.
It’s amazing in meetings how some open their mouths,
and just utter non-meaningful sounds.

If you have got the slightest clue,
of the meaning of this bullshit they spill.
You must have a degree in Business Speak,
or alternatively be mentally ill.

I’m sure that most of us have been there,
When a manager or boss or some clown,
Is trying to impress with their vocabulary range
When we all just wish they’d simply pipe down.

So if you want to work on a ship of fools,
and toe the line, wear a shirt and comply,
Get a job in an office filled with morons,
Not me, no not me… I’d rather die.

©2014 Stephen M. Crawford (A.k.a: The Roxstarre Poet)

Check out Steve’s book on Amazon

…especially as proceeds are going to Willen Hospice, our local hospice here in Milton Keynes which needs to attract a lot of donations now that its public funding has been cut by our government’s austerity measures. No, we’re not Greece, but we need a lot of help to support this superb hospice which cared for Steve’s late wife, and my late mother. So please buy a copy. Thank you!

And what poems about Business Bullsh*t (sorry, whoops!) do you like?

Please share…





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