Poets Corner: swearing in the 21st century

HTWB swear jarMuch as we focus hard on business writing here on HTWB I am encouraging us all to think poetically, partly of course because currently I am writing a book of incredibly disgusting verse.

This is to amuse us all over the winter Holidays and other occasions when conventional prudery tends to take a back seat.

But actually my poems aren’t that filthy. Honest. And here’s an example to set us in a good mood for the weekend…

21st century swearing

Considering it’s rude to swear
We need to think beyond the bend
And come up with new words to hear
That sound so rude, but don’t offend.

Well, truly I don’t give a fluck
It’s just a load of trollocks
(That’s three, not two, and not so yuk
As the simple pair called b*llocks.)

How about that dear old crossword clue
Four letters, female, ends UNT
And when you write the C word you
Get shamed and blamed by your own AUNTie?

Next comes the insipid smell
Of meek, mild words so parodied
Like “darn” for “damn” and “heck” for “hell”
And other stuff the prudes decreed.

Now think about those things ordure
Like sh*t and cr*p, doo-doo, etcetera
And other bashful terms obscure
Can no-one think of something betterer?

And then we turn to yellow streams
Like p*ss and p*e and sl*sh so stirred
Why should we go to such extremes
When wee-wee says it in two words?

True, thoughts like this take us away
From four letters called the F-word
It’s something ladies shouldn’t say
But men use as a catchword.

No need to feel so thunderstruck
Alternatives are simple tricks
Fluck, Pruck, Shuck, Gruck and even Bruck
Sound good, without the politics.

But now it’s time for me to swear
Take a scrit, a pree, and swear some more
As the clock does chime I’m quite aware
It’s f*ck-off time for Suze St Maur.

What swearwords do you use? And which do you hate?

Please share…

© Suzan St Maur 2016

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